The more the Merrier (!?)

Well, I am on a bit of a theme here, so I am going to just keep right on going with it! Just yesterday I received a FB message from a lovely mother of two. She has a 'niggling' desire for a third child but is not sure whether or not to take the plunge. She wrote to ask a few of us mums, of three or more, what our thoughts were on transitioning from two- three children and how we could afford it/stay sane/get sleep/have a career etc. etc! I think that it's always an honour and delight to be asked for one's opinion! So, presumptiously presuming that others will also be interested in my thoughts on these matters I thought it would make a good blog post. I would Love to hear thoughts and advice (as I am sure so would my friend) of other mother's of three + children on how they live/cope/survive with their brood!

As far as transitioning from two to three kids, I personally found it probably the easiest so far. I know a lot of people who have found it to be a difficult one though. I was quite apprehensive about becoming a mother, and then I was a little anxious to go from one to two children, but after that I thought; "it worked out and I managed the first two times, with God's help, why should this time be any different  ?" and so I honestly didn't give it much thought and figured I would just roll with the punches. Nothing for it at that point! Turned out Hudson was probably the easiest baby of the lot. He has such a delightful personality and is a good sleeper (though I really have been blessed with great sleepers all round).

Sleep is such a vital need for mother and child and if sleep becomes a struggle for one or both (usually if it's one, it's both!) it can totally alter the scenario. I know for my friend in question she had a very challenging time of it with her first with colic/sleep issues. So I can totally understand hesitation going for a third. However, I have heard from SO many people about how amazing third children are! I don't know what it is but they somehow seem to KNOW they need to not make things too hard for their mums!! Or maybe its the grace of God? Anyway I am SURE there are exceptions to this, but it does seem to be surprisingly common!

Another factor that can make it easier transitioning to three than you might anticipate is your experience. Third time around you have that much more perspective and numerous little strategies that you have already developed for coping! Though sleep might be a problem for another year or so, at least you know what you are in for this time! You have more confidence in your role and I think that definitely helps. Also having older children, though they demand and have their own challenges, can be amazingly helpful with newborns and it is such a blessing for them to learn to care, and be responsible for a younger sibling or two, and it really does enrich their lives, and the entire family.

Career? I am perhaps not a good one to ask about this as I never attempted to juggle both and have been happy (and we've made it work financially) to be at home full time. I am sure many others can offer great thoughts and advice on how they manage both family life and career. No doubt it certainly does become more difficult to manage a career with each child that is added to the family and if it is really important to you to have both I guess it has to be seriously considered. My main advice on this is to make sure you look into the government support you would receive if you were to totally give up your income, as it might surprise you how much support is available, good to do the research there.

Affordability? Pfft! Who says raising kids has to be expensive? Ultimately it's a lifestyle choice and there are so many ways to save, it's really a matter of personal desire how little or much you end up spending. Of course it is going to be more money to have another mouth to feed, but I don't think its as much as the media seems to lead us to believe. A lot of the potential cost is to do with schooling. If private schooling is a high priority for your family it may well be prudent to keep the family smaller. There are so many good public schools out there though. We are really happy so far with our public school experience (ok, we are only in term 2 of Esther's first year, but still! So far, so good!) On the other hand, the more kids you have the more reductions you get on the cost of schooling them, if you do choose private... I believe in most private schools the fourth child is free!! Four for the price of three! Woo! I mean if you are going to have three you might as well have four...Bargain! 

Mental Health?! I really think this is such an important issue for mum's to talk about and understand. I believe this is probably the PRIMARY reason that does hold people back from having more. As important or pressing as financial issues and all that are, I think the biggest question is 'can I mentally/emotionally cope with more children?' and I think it is a really good question to ask. Honestly the answer would have to be; 'I dont know'. None of us really know what we are going to be able to cope with until we are dealing with it, and I think it may be a leap of faith to a degree. Some days I cope, some days I don't. As I look back over the last few years I can see how my capacity has increased (as it had to!) If you struggle in this area it's really good to talk it all over with your partner and maybe even your doctor as you consider 'going to the next level' parenting wise. You need to know the support is there, if you are struggling.

I really don't think I would have coped at all without having God in my life. He really is my source of strength and constant encouragement. Any time I feel like I have failed or am a failure at being a mum, I know he has been there to give me the ability and wisdom I need (not to mention PATIENCE!!) to get back up again. His mercies truly are new every morning and one thing I do know- with him ALL things are possible! For me, I have found this journey of motherhood so exciting because he has taken me from a place of doubting I could even be a mother of one, to realising I can not only be a mum to one, but to (almost!) four!! I have been a pretty pitiful housekeeper for the most part, and had many 'off days' along the way mentally, but through it all I have learnt that as I call out for God's help he ANSWERS me! He helps me at the things I suck at! He helps me to have motivation to do one more task and he is so generous with me to allow me to be the mother of these gorgeous children! Even though he knows that on so many days I am not really up to the task, he still entrusts me with them! It's this knowledge that keeps pushing me onwards and upwards. It is reassuring to know that in my weakness he is strong.

Seriously, I could go on all day about how much God has helped me to be a mum (and a good one I hope!) not just to SURVIVE but to THRIVE! It IS possible. I love the challenge of parenting, of being pushed beyond what I think I am capable of. It hurts but its a good kind of hurt, you know what I mean. My life is being used up for something so worthy. I love it. And if God is gracious enough to allow me to parent more children, if HE thinks I am up to the task? Well, then all other reasons of why I think I shouldn't be, fade into the background.

I love the mystery of the fact that we have this freedom to choose, in a sense, (though not always) when we 'stop' or when we continue to bear children. Yet intertwined into that is the mystery of God's divine will. At the end of the day I reckon, if you desire more children, and you are able, and your partner is in agreement (thats an important part of the equation!!) go for it!!!

When all is said and done and after all the reasons why having another child is impractical, unaffordable, irresponsible and perhaps a little crazy- but if your heart still desires another child to love, all the cons in the world can be outweighed by the single 4kg(or so!) lump of life you hold in your arms. Love has its reasons that reason knows not of. A new member to the family is an ENRICHMENT. I say, 'the more the merrier!'

:) So maybe next post I will switch to a new topic and stop shouting to the world my excitment about having my family enlarged and the great blessing that I believe children (always) are...Then again perhaps not!