It seems as though being paranoid is just par for the course when you become a mum. Yes there are varying degrees of it, but I think we all are guilty of over-reacting when it comes to the safety and health of our precious ones...I know when Esther was first born I felt such a vulnerability. I couldn't handle listening to the news, the thought of evil in the world was too much to take with a tiny bundle to look after and I didn't want to be reminded of it more than necessary. I remember really struggling with fearful thoughts and imaginging awful scenarios happening to her. Trips to the wharf in Darwin were opportunities for me to resist my fear in a big way, the temptation to imagine falling off those railing-free edges dropping 5 or so metres into dark seas was almost too much to take (Darwin mums, you know what I am talking about!!). I really had to seek God's help in those months to find freedom from those haunting, tormenting and most often, irrational fears for her safety. I am grateful that I was indeed delivered from being consumed by such fears and they certainly have far less of a grip on me now then they once did...But, its a constant area to keep a watch on.
Google. Its your best friend and its your worst enemy mums. The internet can be so helpful to find connection, advice and support when you are at home with a little one, particularly when they are sick, or colicky and you need to know you aren't alone, you need advice and ideas to get through the night. REassurance that this is 'normal' or to know what to do next. However, there can be a dark side too. As those fears start creeping in that this fever might be more malicious than it first appeared and what could taht rash mean?.... We do what any self-respecting 21st century mum would do. WE get googling. I know there are lots of times that this can be helpful, but just as often it becomes a place where our worst nightmares are fed. The worst case scenarios come hunting us down like helpless prey. It's 11pm, we're tired, we're worried, we're irrational, suddenly it seems so convincing that our child's fever is not merely a 24 hour bug but the first signs of a terminal illness. Tears fill our eyes as we begin to imagine life without our child. How will we cope? What we will we do? OH WHY GOD WHY!!?? WE go in to give our child our child an overly-emotional kiss on the cheek to find the fever has dissipated with that last does of panadol...It's probably just nothing...Phew, that was a close one... You know what I am talking about mums! We've all been there!
I don't want to be trite because we all know that this is an imperfect world we live in, and for too many people this is a reality they are dealing with, and there is always a possibility that we could too, its not a totally irrational fear in that sense. But the point I am trying to make is that we too easily allow ourselves to be full of fear and jump to worst case scenarios, when we really don't have a good reason too and end up expending a lot of emotional energy that could be wisely invested elsewhere!
Recently I had Esther checked out by a specialist Peadeatrician. There had been a nagging issue with her that I wanted to ask someone in the know about, but had put it off until I had to go to the Dr. for another reason. So last round of anti-biotics I talked to the G.P and he gave me a referrall. Now, before going to this appointment with the Paed I had done some googling... The issue I had in mind came up with a whole assortment of possible causes and believe me, some were quite fear-inducing! Others were less scary but still had repercussions and I thought I may well have to dramatically alter Esther's diet... Anyway, the paedeatrician was great he did a throrough examination, asked a lot of questions, was brilliant with the kids and was able to answer my questions and bring some sanity- and expertise to the table. Yay. Although he acknowledged Esther had some abnormal symptoms there was no serious root cause that should concern us,it could be dealt with in a very simplistic way. I talked to him about some of my googling outcomes and he brushed most of them away as 'wives tales' and told me they had nothing to do with our situation. I can't tell you how refreshing it was to talk to someone who actually knew what they were on about! The problem with google is you never REALLY know if the information you have found is accurate and reliable and if it even applies to your situation! Until you have someone with credibility to look at your unique situation, its all just guess work, and with our paranoid minds on the task we can so easily end up 'guessing' that it is much more serious than we first thought. At the end of the day if we have an issue we are genuiniely concerned about its best to get advice from a reliable source rather than torment ourselves with all the possible 'what-ifs' that are out there.
Now, for $240 bucks a pop I don't think I will be heading down to see our lovely Paedeatrician just any ol time! But its great to know that when there is a serious concern there is a reliable sources of information out there, even if they do cost money!! (i did get $120 back from medi-care so its not TOO bad)
I know there is no easy way out for us as mums, we care so deeply and have so much invested in our children that thought of losing them or harm coming is so real and so over whelming at times, and for many of us there are very serious issues and conditions we have to deal with and face. However, I think it is important that we continue to fight off fear as it never really produces anything of value. I know this is basically impossible. The only way that I have found freedom from my fears is in trusting that I have a Father in heaven who ultimately loves my children more than me, that he has a plan and purpose for me and for them and even if the worst case scenarios DID occur I can trust that he will help me get through whatever situation I may face in life. It is in this knowledge that I can find peace in the face of temptation to fear and as the years have gone on I have found greater assurance of his love and more faith that he will never leave me or allow me to go through anything beyond which I can cope with. This is a blessed reassurance and If you share a faith in Jesus Christ I encourage you to remember his words in Matthew 6:34- Do not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. So ... Less googling and more praying!
If you do not know the comfort and assurance of the love of our heavenly father, I encourage you to consider his invitation. He invites us all to have fellowship with him, made available to us through the sacrifice of his son Jesus, who has conquered the grave- and with it our ultimate fears... 'death where is your victory? death where is your sting?' We need not fear death any more because he has overcome and taken away its fatal sting. I hope you can come to know the joy of this that I have and the incredible freedom from fear that comes with it, as we choose to embrace this reality more and more.
