It's just not right.
God surely doesn't love THEM as much as he loves ME!?!
As a child I really struggled with this concept... (Let's be honest, I still do!) At times it would flip the other way depending on which 'them' is in my thoughts at the time. Does God really love me as much as he (clearly) loves them?
It does baffle the mind to try and comprehend the love of our heavenly Father. But as he reminds us in scripture 'My ways are higher than your ways'. Talk about a major understatement! It's rather laughable that he even needs to remind us of this, but of course, he most definitely does. I am God, you are not, of course I am going to think differently, bigger and better than you do! But he is so patient with us, he must be amused at times, at our arrogance, our grappling to understand and compare his love to ours.
We are so insecure. We fret and fear of being forgotten and unloved, when a close friend shows devotion to another we get jealous, we wonder if we will be needed, will we be demoted to 'second best friend' ?!? (horrors!) We are guarded with our love. There seems to be a limited amount and it must be meted out carefully, only to the best and most worthy. We shrink back in an emotional retreat, hugging our wounded hearts to ourselves once more, determined to be more careful next time. We have close friends, friends, acquaintences, enemies... We only have so much time in one day, time must be used and given wisely...to the worthy.
It's hard to comprehend a love that is exceedingly generous, self-less even unto death, unafraid! Perfect love casts out fear. Wow. What a promise, what a picture of true love; Fearlessness. No more fear of rejection, fear of hurt, fear of loss. Only Love. Death swallowed up in victory. It is a glorious thought. It is a glorious reality. And yet, we live in a limbo between the now and the what is to be, hungering for a greater revelation of what it truly means to be the 'sons of God'. Carriers of his love, fearless.
Ephesians 3 intrigues me. As Paul prays for those believers in Ephesus, he clearly had a glimpse of something wonderful. He prayed for the impossible. That they (and we) might have the strength to comprehend, the love of Christ, how high, how wide, how deep and how long it is. To KNOW this love, though it surpasses knowledge! It must be possible then, to know this impossible love, but I have a sense it is not something we can know in our heads, but in our hearts. And filled with his love what wonders we could do for him...
But it seems God had favourites, didn't he? Daniel was called a 'friend' of God and John, his disciple 'his beloved'. What's that about? Is this allowed? Doesn't he love us all the same and not play favourites?
I think being a parent has brought me a lot of insight into this dynamic. I worried with being pregnant with my second child, was it really possible to love this next one as much as I did my precious Esther? It seemed too hard to comprehend. When she was born, I did FEEL differently about her than I did to Esther, but it certainly wasn't less love. It was just...Different. A few weeks after her birth as Charlotte was settling to sleep in the next room and Shane and I were alone in the living room I remember saying to him 'I'm so glad we have Charlotte' and Shane wholeheartedly agreed. Our totally unique, completely irreplaceable, adorable and hilarious Charlotte. I now have three children, each is unique, and with each I have a unique connection with. You can't compare them, you can't replace them, what they bring to the world and what they bring out in me as their mother, is utterly unique and precious.
I know this to be true of friendships also. Although you can move states, or countries and discover new friends and community, they are utterly unique. What one friend brings out in you, the connection you have, the way your two completely original personalities react to one another can never be duplicated in another friendship. So we never need to fear being replaced, we never have to compete or try to be different than what we are. What we each bring to this world is so precious and so rare, we are each valuable because there is only ONE of each of us!
I do believe this is how God feels about us, he made us all and his desire is to have a relationship with each of those that he has 'created in his own image'. God desires to know me and love me and have an intimate friendship with me because I am the only ME that he has made! I bring out something in him that no other human he has made can. I don't have to worry about whether he loves me more or less than anyone else because in a way, I am the only one there is...of me!
Since God is so big and his love so expansive he is capable of this on a grand scale! However I struggle to love well and fearlessly in my human setting of marriage, friendships and relationships; they are all beset with fear and insecurity, doubt and confusion! It is encouraging when I look up to him and see his fearless, expansive, generous heart lavishing on me more love than I can comprehend with my finite mind! It is this love that empowers me to love others. We love because he has first loved us.
The truth is, like the cute picture book I read to my girls You're All My Favourites by Sam McBratney. We are all his favourites too. We think having favourites means exclusion but God is all about glorious INCLUSION to whoever will open their heart back up to the one who has loved them so deeply. While he may call some like, Daniel and John his 'beloved friends' it is not because he has rejected the others, but that the others have rejected him. His door is always open to us, he beckons us to 'draw near to me and I will draw near to you' (James 4:8), his hand is outstretched, will you offer him yours?
Jesus may still be your enemy, perhaps an acquaintance or even a friend, but he longs to be your favourite- as you are his.
