Enlarge!

When I was a teenager I dreamed of my future a lot. I wondered what 'big' things I might do, who I would become. I wondered what God had in store for me, my gifts and talents, how my full potential might be realised. I imagined myself accomplishing greatness, serving my King in a grand fashion in a way that would make my life seem full of meaning and purpose.

The years have worn by, and now my days are filled with mothering children. Part of me wonders what happend to my days of youth and the mighty exploits I imagined would fill them?What did I achieve in my youthful zeal? My days of youth are sorely numbered! I kinda wonder, did God NOT need me to accomplish great brilliance? Did I miss something along the way? Is my opportunity for greatness fading as the light of my children's world rises?

I have secretly wondered these things. Secretly chaffed against the limitations my world of parenting has brought upon me. I am one who hates to 'miss out'. I want to be a part of the action, I want to be on the battle lines of this spiritual war, to stand on the watch towers overlooking my generation and hail the coming King. To raise the sword of the Spirit and cut to the heart with His words of truth. Have I missed my chance? Did I fail to obey him at some point in the past? Has he past on my role to another?

These questions have lurked in my mind, unspoken, undisturbed, now and then haunting me with their quiet taunts and fears. But lately I have begun to challenge them. To realise my perspective on reality, not least of all my perspective on what 'greatness' really is, are both fundamentally flawed.

I first became aware of my own private well-kept lies , as it often is, when I heard them echoed by another. You hear it in the question a mother asks as she awaits the birth of her first child. Though excited and elated and terrfied and overjoyed the question lingers...'is this it then? my dreams, my hopes, will they begin to die as this new life begins?' and 'I must sacrifice myself for the sake of my child. They will be first and I will become second'.

It is joked about and playfully(and seriously!) warned 'travel the world first!' 'get to know each other before you have kids' 'establish your career first', 'buy a house, get economically stable'.

Though there is wisdom in some of this advice, not all of us have the luxury of planning when our babies will push their way into existence! And when we have failed to tick of that great list of 'things to do before I become a mother' and discover, sooner than we ever imagined, motherhood is upon us; what then? Those hopes, desires, dreams...what do we do with those things now?

As I pondered on this fear expressed, fear of being unable to DO those things we desire to do, fear that in giving life we will give too much of ourselves I realised I have felt those same things but when spoken aloud I knew it immediately for what it was. A lie.

Yes mothers, we do well to sacrifice our life for another. We lay down our dreams to lift up the dreams of our child. It makes me think of the verse 'unless a grain of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it can bear no fruit'. In bearing the fruit of the womb something of us as an individual DOES die, but it is not a death that ends buried in the ground! Joy of joys, our 'death' into motherhood is the most remarkable beginning of new life, not only for our child but for US!

Becoming a mother is not the death of dreams and hopes and desires it is the BIRTH of them! IT is the expansion and multiplication of all our hearts desire beginning to take root on this earth in a greater capacity than we COULD DREAM OF! When God blesses us with the privilege of bringing new life into this earth our world is NOT being diminished, it is being EXPANDED!

Though for a time it seems the walls of our world have been reduced; we spend so much time stuck behind those four walls, alone with our offspring wondering if we will make it through the day with sanity intact! But it is in these moments of difficulty of weakness, that our flaws are being exposed, giving us the opportunity, not easily afforded, to understand how deep our need of Him is. Blessed are the poor in spirit as my dear Lord Jesus once said. Being poor in Spirit is not a good thing unless it leads (as it is meant to) to the feet of our creator.

It's time to allow our dreams to grow bigger than they were in the days of our youth. Now they encompass not just us, but our children and our husbands and our community...the World! So let those dreams go, God has bigger and better ones for you. You may find a peek into his wonderful plan as you look into those beautiful little faces that have been given their life through yours.

Dream on!

"Enlarge the place of your tent, stretch your tent curtains wide, do not hold back; lengthen your cords, strengthen your stakes." Isaiah 54:1-3

(This blog post is dedicated to Jess and Matt as they welcome little Rupert into the world. Your life just got bigger!! Congratulations xoxo)

It's not a magazine

I love magazines. Home magazines with beautiful colours, layouts, ideas and interior eye candy to inspire! I love food magazines, full of fresh flavours, original combinations, sweet decadence or healthy living... I love it all, and flipping the pages of a magazine is one of my little delights in life. However, I do think there are some dangers inherent with it that need to be avoided or kept in mind whilst perusing the pages of a glossy.

When you open a magazine you enter a world where someone else sets the standard, the status quo, someone else begins feeding into your mind the things that are important, desirable, needed, someone else telling you how to set your priorities, your 'must haves'. When you spend a lot of time with your mind focused on these things of beauty, these showcase homes it really can become nearly impossible to remain contented and grateful for the home that you have. The home that is cluttered with items, the home that has the cereal bowls still unwashed in the sink, the home with the mile-high pile of laundry, the home that doesn't quite have a place for everything and everything in its place - a home that has a few junk baskets stashed here and there for that never ending queue of items that seem to defy categorisation. Those odd socks that seem to keep piling up, that you don't want to throw away because you KNOW the other sock will then make itself known. A home where YOU are in charge, and many days struggle to get food on the table let alone create a fantastic 'mood' board...

Having recently moved back into the home I grew up in, the home I now share with my parents, that contains years of clutter that is slowly being sifted through. I had to make a decision before coming here, a decision to enjoy the journey of making this space feel like our home. To be content with a non-magazine home, a real home. I am ok with a little bit of clutter on the journey to being an organisational queen, I think we will get there, eventually. I am ok with old furniture, with walls that need a fresh coat of paint. I am happy to work with what we have as I dream of all it could be. Anticipation is half the fun! I feel really excited when a small space or a little area of the house looks beautiful and functions effectively, even if the ENTIRE house doesn't quite yet. To create a beautiful and functional home that is welcoming to those who live there and those who visit, that is a delightful thing to do and its a process (though at any stage of the journey it can ALWAYS be a welcoming place). I think that is a good goal to have, as long as we continue to keep people first and things second. It sounds easy and obvious but they can very quickly slide out of order. This home we are now living in has a lot of history and though its never been known for being a magazine-worthy place to look at, I do believe people have felt at ease, at home and welcome within its walls. I would always pick inner beauty over outward beauty (though I do desire both!) Yes I do think we should take pride and enjoyment in beautifying and organising our homes, its a good thing to do! It's just very important to not allow our desire for all those 'must haves' to eclipse our gratefulness for what we do have, or even worse to detract from enjoying the people whose care we have been entrusted with.

Some time ago a friend of mine and I agreed to NEVER apologise for the state of our home. Is it just me or is the people whose homes are the MOST tidy and organised and beautiful who seem positively aghast when you visit- 'sorry about the mess' they apologise profusely. 'Um, what mess?!' I usually wonder in bewilderment. Does a newspaper on the kitchen table and shoes slightly akimbo by the front door qualify as MESS?! If so, my home would surely be a great candidate for the next episode of hoarders! Wow, come on people, apologising for your homes 'messiness' even if it truly is messy, only serves to make the visitor feel uncomfortable or worse, guilty for how bad their home must be. This is me, I never thought to apologise for my mess until I visited friends who were wildly better house keepers than I was. I thought if they need to apologise what do I need to do? I started apologising too. But not anymore! I made a pact to no longer do this. Making people feel welcome and at home is important, no apologies necessary! Lets lighten each others loads, encouraging each other onwards without feeling guilty about our imperfections along the way.

Our real homes will always be in a state of flux and transition, endlessly used and endlessly in need of cleaning and decluttering. I think the sooner we come to terms with that reality and choose to enjoy the journey, the in-between days, the more we will truly find satisfaction when we finally do complete those long awaited renos, or painting or de-cluttering or whatever. A beautiful home is not necessarily a happy one but a happy home will always be beautiful and welcoming- whether it is tidy, organised and artistic or not. Hey, thats what magazines are for ;)