There are a lot of false ideas around parenting. Throughout my parenting experience I have had many moments of revelation where I get an insight into just how wrong my previous way of thinking has been. There are so many culturally accepted norms that are just wrong, on so many levels and in so many ways.One little idea that needs new understanding is the whole idea of children growing older. Getting bigger. It should really not be surprising that this process of growth is taking place constantly in our children. Why is it that we exclaim with seeming surprise;
'Wow! Look how big they are?!' 'Not a baby anymore! Gosh! Time flies doesn't it?!'
Now, its not necessarily a bad thing to exclaim over the growth of a child, but often associated with these observances is an undertone of regret or sadness. As though we really wish they would stay small and not grow up. I think we need to challenge this desire. It's got to be the most common thing you hear parents say (particularly ones whose children have already grown up) 'it goes SO fast'. While I do think that this is a truth we need to keep in mind, most often it does seem to be tainted wtih this feeling that growing up is a sad reality. That the childhood years are the best and then it's...over and all thats left is a wistfulness of what once was. No thanks!
News flash. Our children are SUPPOSED to grow up! It's the way God has made them and it is a GOOD thing! There is going to be a kind of normal sense of sadness at saying goodbye to each season that finishes, but it should be recovered in a wonderful sense of expectancy for what this new season and chapter will bring for them and for us! The idea that any one season of life for our children or for ourselves is 'the best' and needs to be gripped onto for dear life is misplaced.
I say this as a person who has been extremely nostalgic! Even as a young child I seemed to have a heightened sense of passing time and the desire to record things, to treasure them. I would pore over pictures of my siblings and I think fondly of 'our childhood' when I was 12! I became an obsessive diary writer because I never wanted to forget anything. To let any day go by unnoticed. I can relate to feeling precious about certain periods of time. It took me quite awhile to come to grips with the impending loss of Esther's (my oldest's) teeth! Those baby teeth are so precious to me! I literally cried when her first tooth appeared in that gummy smile of hers! I was so PROUD! I love that little smile. The thought that I have to say goodbye to it, to that season of babyhood, is a little heart-tearing, I'll admit it. Losing those top two teeth was something I had to steel myself for. Pathetic, I know!
Let's not taint their delight in each development by our underlining sadness of what has been left behind. Let's let go of that. Let's rejoice in the changes and the new territory that comes with growth. Let's grow with them! May God grant us wisdom and insight for each new season of parenting. They are not, and never were, ours to keep. Ours to hold onto. We are entrusted to guard and guide them as they GROW. WE have the privileged position of front row seats to what God is doing in their lives, physically, emotionally and spiritually and we have a lead part to play in that development.
They are here to grow, to change and to develop. We should not lament the season that has been but rejoice. God has a good plan for their lives. And seriously, if truly given the opportunity to stop the growing, at say, the toddler years, would you REALLY want to take it?! A couple years as a toddler is probably enough I reckon.
Esther needs her adult teeth because God has designed her to grow into an adult. That is her destiny and I am here to watch her grow into that. To cheer her on, not to create a shrine to her baby teeth to sit on the mantle piece til time immemorial (on a side note i kept my baby teeth til i was .... I don't know they are probably in a box somewhere still...WHY?! What on earth will I or anyone else want with my baby teeth?! Will my grandchildren want to see them one day? Probably not...!!! Someone please stop me from saving my children's teeth too, don't let me be on the next episode of hoarders!) Look I think I am writing this blog as a pep talk to myself. Just last week Charlotte had her first hair cut. She just turned 5. It was time. she wanted it cut, so we did it. It looks super cute and grown up. Did I save some of her 'baby hair' in a plastic bag for her grand kids to look at one day? Yes I did. I need to let go. I am working on it.
I am determined to press on toward the goal. What are we here for? What are they here for? It's not just so I can make a beautiful scrap book of their beautiful little lives. Its for them to get some character, to grow into godly young women (and men!) to fight the good fight! That is the goal, and each step closer to that; physically and spiritually is worth being happy about. So I am going to be happy about it!
