You CAN do it!

Why hello. I have been simmering on this thought for a little while... Prompted to ponder again as I recently read a blog entitled 'to mothers of one or two children'. I was intrigued. I read on, even though  I now have four... The author of this blog post was actually the mother of five children and she was basically writing encouragement/advice to mother's of one or two children who currently feel overwhelmed by their load and cannot fathom how these (supposed) super mums- with more than that, manage to stay sane and keep everyone bathed and in the right size/ appropriate gender clothing (most days). I thought it was a great idea to de-mystify the 'how do you manage??' question that mothers of  numerous children always illicit. What it came down to in her response was, over time your capacity increases, but at the beginning it's just as difficult (if not more so) than down the track with more. I totally concur! So mother's of one or two who are feeling completely overwhelmed... Just know; that is totally normal! YOU are totally normal. Those 'other' women who seem to be coping so well aren't really that different from you, YOU CAN DO IT TOO!

I look back on my time with a wildly-energetic toddler girl and then a new baby girl as the most difficult days in my parenting so far. I think its worth remembering, especially if you have the first couple quite close together in age, that you are still quite a new mum. Even though it feels like you have now been a parent FOREVER, it's really not been that long. Your body, your frame of reference, everything is still adjusting to this new way of life. Just give yourself a break and remember, you are still new to the job, learning new habits and disciplines that will make your life easier. Learning how to manage behaviour (including your own). So just have a little patience with yourself knowing its still early days and in a lot of ways being a mum is a learned process.

I remember after Esther was born thinking about how many nappy changes and feeds ahead of me there were...The hours, days and weeks ahead seemed to be a very daunting prospect with all these new and unfamiliar tasks that need to be completed, over and over again. Not to mention all the other things that still need doing. I really wasn't very good at it. Not very good at keeping on top of anything. I tend to deal with the urgent needs of the moment, but not a great plan-ahead, get-ahead type of girl... Lumping a whole lot of new 'jobs' on my hands when I hadn't been any good at doing the ones I already had, seems a little hopeful on someone's part. Probably just as well that I was blissfully ignorant of all the true challenges ahead. I did adore my baby and new I was BORN to be a mother. Becoming a disciplined, non-lazy, organised adult? Well, that would take some deliberate effort!! ( and I am far from 'there' yet!)

You break a lot of ground with baby number one. We were certainly enthusiastic in reading and learning about parenting and implementing what we learned. A lot of that work pays off with the others, in that they do watch and learn from the older. There are certain boundaries that they seem to pick up from seeing what the older one is and isn't doing. Of course each child brings their own set of unique discipline challenges, but I do think it was easier with our subsequent children- if only because we were more practised! And I guess practice does make perfect. It amuses me to think how I stared in awe and (just a little bit of) horror in the face of ALL those nappy changes and feeds ahead of me. Ha!  If I only I knew then how many nappy changes were actually ahead of me in the coming years!!! I really don't give it a second thought now. It's just a part of normal life.

Maybe it would help if we viewed motherhood like other occupations or trades. Think of your first few years as an apprenticeship. Still learning all the skills required, still adapting to your new role. Of course we never stop needing support and wisdom in our parenting journeys, but the first few years are especially intense. So if you are in this place right now as a mother, take a moment to be proud of yourself for what you have achieved and what you are achieving. In lots of ways you are in the hardest part, I hope that makes you feel a little more hopeful about the future!

I look at my life now and reflect on those earlier days and realise my capacity really has increased. I feel I have undergone some intense training, and little by little I am learning and I am growing and I am getting better. Okay, I still have a mental block about laundry, but I am sure one day I will do that without thinking too!

 I was chatting to a friend today who recently had her third beautiful baby. She made the comment how much easier she found mothering when she 'surrendered to it'. I thought that was a perfect way to put it. I think its pretty normal to be having a bit of an inner battle in the first year or two about letting go of the 'old me'. When we realise there is no going back and just embrace the new life we are living, that is when we are able to find the 'new me'. You might be surprised when you discover you like her better anyway.

It is very important that at this point I make one thing very clear. The only reason I can truthfully say that I enjoy being a mother and that I have become (somewhat!) better at managing a household, while staying sane and maintaining a relationship with my husband, is all due to the vital relationship I have with Jesus Christ. I do say vital and that is no exaggeration. I would simply not be coping without the strength, joy, hope and purpose I find in Him daily. I have asked for wisdom and help OFTEN. I have cried pitifully on his shoulder and he has heard and helped me. I find JOY in the knowledge of his love for me and his purpose for my life and for the lives of my children. I cannot imagine, nor do I want to, life without his presence. If there is any secret to life, let alone motherhood surely HE is it.

I think God was smart with me. He knew the best way to get me to grow up and become mature and responsible and a lot less lazy was blessing me with four beautiful children. It's funny to think that giving me MORE when I was doing terrible with the little I had was the best way to get me to improve. I am thankful for his generosity. For entrusting me with these lives, for being patient with me and believing I could do it. With Him by my side, I know that I can, and if I can do it, YOU can too!