The sock that broke the camel's back.

I think I am getting there. Making progress, little by little. Slowly coming to terms with my 'lot' and the responsibilities they involve. Slowly learning to joyfully give of myself daily, to get the jobs done with a cheerful heart. I think I am getting better, a little...? I hope! I am certain at least some of the laziness has been knocked out of me with all these children to look after, the house to clean the food to cook. Truly honestly I actually enjoy the challenge most days. I want to sink my teeth into it all, to do it and do it well. Another morning and we start all over again, and again and again, YAY! :)

But I must tell you that some days I am on the edge. Some days my sanity is very nearly about to come crashing down around me, and everyone nearby! Some days all it takes is ONE MORE FLIPPIN ODD SOCK and I think I am going to scream in frustration!!!!!!!!!

Do you hear me ladies?! Those blasted socks just seem to be sent by the devil himself, sent to trip us up and leave us pulling our hair out and on a really bad day- in tears. Ok, I don't know if I have actually cried over the odd sock situation...Yet! But what is it about those lonely little wanderers that makes the house seem far more out of control then their size warrants? Another item I find that, when out of place seems to have disproportionate impact on the apparent 'tidiness' of a room; coathangers!!! Can I get an amen out there?! The thing about coat hangers is that they not only make the room look cluttered and in disarray, probably because when a coathanger is not in the closet it is so OBVIOUSLY NOT where it is supposed to be. There is no good excuse for them to be lying around... Unlike socks, which have lots of good excuses, one for every little hand that pulled it off in a hurry and forgot to put them away. Or they lost their buddy in the washing cycle somewhere...sad, yet so terribly common. Living in Darwin this wasn't so much a problem as we only wore socks for sport or when visiting family down 'south'. Oh those were the good old days...

Yes I have seen those 'oh so cute' ideas on Pinterest for ways to store and even display your odd socks. Like a lovely glass jar in the laundry room, or a peg board with the slogan 'wanted' written above four pegs, where you can attach a sock missing its mate....FOUR socks? Are you kidding me?... If I had a peg board like that I would need about 137 spots on it! AND I don't think rows of jars with odd socks on our laundry shelf would look attractive...

I will tell you how I deal with the sock 'situation' as I am going to now call it. It is a situation that it is imperative you keep under control, we must deal with this or it will deal with us. Find a bag, a reasonably nice one, but not one you are going to need for anything else, because this bag will always need to be in use. I use a kind of canvassy/cloth tote that one of the girls decorated at school or something like that... I hang it on the closet door handle. I find an odd sock, I take a deep breath. I don't freak out, I don't question my organisational abilities, I don't panic. I put the sock in the bag. I forget about it.

Every few weeks, or months, or whenever the kids completely run out of socks, we tip the bag on the floor and sit there for a good 45 minutes or so and pair up as many as we can. There are always more that go back in the bag, but that is ok, that is what the bag is for. We gather them back up, we put the sock bag on the handle and we start again. I try not to think about it, and I try to remember how many socks we actually have and to NOT buy anymore.

I recently started a new odd sock bag, especially for Hudson's little boy socks. I do hope this makes him feel special. For Shane and I? I don't even bother, his drawer is full of oddsies and we just wear the closest match ups we can find. The fact that we live with my parents and sometimes intermingle washing just exacerbates the odd sock problem no end. Sometimes I sneak a pile of adult odd socks into their room when I can't take it anymore.

I had a brain wave a couple of days ago to do with the socks; to kill two birds with one stone. As a time out activity/discipline, instead of setting the timer as we so often do, I could give the child the sock bag and they would have to pair up a stated number of socks before coming out of time-out...Brilliant I thought.

How about you? Does the sock 'situation' cause you similar traumas as it does me? How do you deal with it? I know I am not the only one!!

Grow babies, grow!

There are a lot of false ideas around parenting. Throughout my parenting experience I have had many moments of revelation where I get an insight into just how wrong my previous way of thinking has been. There are so many culturally accepted norms that are just wrong, on so many levels and in so many ways.

One little idea that needs new understanding is the whole idea of children growing older. Getting bigger. It should really not be surprising that this process of growth is taking place constantly in our children. Why is it that we exclaim with seeming surprise;
 'Wow! Look how big they are?!' 'Not a baby anymore! Gosh! Time flies doesn't it?!'

Now, its not necessarily a bad thing to exclaim over the growth of a child, but often associated with these observances is an undertone of regret or sadness. As though we really wish they would stay small and not grow up. I think we need to challenge this desire. It's got to be the most common thing you hear parents say (particularly ones whose children have already grown up) 'it goes SO fast'. While I do think that this is a truth we need to keep in mind, most often it does seem to be tainted wtih this feeling that growing up is a sad reality. That the childhood years are the best and then it's...over and all thats left is a wistfulness of what once was. No thanks!

News flash. Our children are SUPPOSED to grow up! It's the way God has made them and it is a GOOD thing! There is going to be a kind of normal sense of sadness at saying goodbye to each season that finishes, but it should be recovered in a wonderful sense of expectancy for what this new season and chapter will bring for them and for us! The idea that any one season of life for our children or for ourselves is 'the best' and needs to be gripped onto for dear life is misplaced.

I say this as a person who has been extremely nostalgic! Even as a young child I seemed to have a heightened sense of passing time and the desire to record things, to treasure them. I would pore over pictures of my siblings and I think fondly of 'our childhood' when I was 12! I became an obsessive diary writer because I never wanted to forget anything. To let any day go by unnoticed. I can relate to feeling precious about certain periods of time. It took me quite awhile to come to grips with the impending loss of Esther's (my oldest's) teeth! Those baby teeth are so precious to me! I literally cried when her first tooth appeared in that gummy smile of hers! I was so PROUD! I love that little smile. The thought that I have to say goodbye to it, to that season of babyhood, is a little heart-tearing, I'll admit it. Losing those top two teeth was something I had to steel myself for. Pathetic, I know!

 Let's not taint their delight in each development by our underlining sadness of what has been left behind. Let's let go of that. Let's rejoice in the changes and the new territory that comes with growth. Let's grow with them! May God grant us wisdom and insight for each new season of parenting. They are not, and never were, ours to keep. Ours to hold onto. We are entrusted to guard and guide them as they GROW. WE have the privileged position of front row seats to what God is doing in their lives, physically, emotionally and spiritually and we have a lead part to play in that development.

They are here to grow, to change and to develop. We should not lament the season that has been but rejoice. God has a good plan for their lives. And seriously, if truly given the opportunity to stop the growing, at say, the toddler years, would you REALLY want to take it?! A couple years as a toddler is probably enough I reckon.

Esther needs her adult teeth because God has designed her to grow into an adult. That is her destiny and I am here to watch her grow into that. To cheer her on, not to create a shrine to her baby teeth to sit on the mantle piece til time immemorial (on a side note i kept my baby teeth til i was .... I don't know they are probably in a box somewhere still...WHY?! What on earth will I or anyone else want with my baby teeth?! Will my grandchildren want to see them one day? Probably not...!!! Someone please stop me from saving my children's teeth too, don't let me be on the next episode of hoarders!) Look I think I am writing this blog as a pep talk to myself. Just last week Charlotte  had her first hair cut. She just turned 5. It was time. she wanted it cut, so we did it. It looks super cute and grown up. Did I save some of her 'baby hair' in a plastic bag for her grand kids to look at one day? Yes I did. I need to let go. I am working on it.

I am determined to press on toward the goal. What are we here for? What are they here for? It's not just so I can make a beautiful scrap book of their beautiful little lives. Its for them to get some character, to grow into godly young women (and men!) to fight the good fight! That is the goal, and each step closer to that; physically and spiritually is worth being happy about. So I am going to be happy about it!

Smile, say "Cheese"!

Click, click, click, click, ka-chick, ka-chick.

The sound of moments captured.

With the simple touch to a button, or most often, an iphone screen, another photo taken.

and another, and another, and just one more, and one more from a slightly different angle...

I flip through them again quickly... Hmmm should I delete any? Well, maybe that one...but, oh, he has such a precious expression there, a moment that will never be repeated...Why not keep it? What's one more? 

GAH!!

If you are anything like me you are drowning under the weight of the photos you have taken in the last 3-4 years. The last few years of historical life moments that had to be captured. Babies and toddlers and birthdays, holidays, normal days, every days, boring days, funny days. They are all there. Captured, saved, uncategorised....

GAH!!

It was such a beautiful relationship when it started. Oh the fun! The ease! Wow, you mean I don't have to buy expensive film any more? I don't have to limit my creative licence because of money now?! Woo hoo! Photo shoots and happy snaps til we can't move our fingers any more  there couldn't possibly be a down side to the wonders of this new technology?!

GAH!!!

I really shouldn't complain. I am so blessed to have a rich life with so many moments worth capturing...But...what do I do with them all? And when? Who has the time to trawl back through the weeks, months and years of photos taken and decide just what to do with them all? Sigh. 

It's like mount everest and I am afraid of heights.

Anyone else know the feeling??

Red Velvet Beetroot

Well hello. Here's another recipe based post! Two in a row! Woo. Quite unusual for me, as I tend to veer into writing about the philosophical aspects of life and not always in the nitty gritty of everyday in the kitchen. However, I posted about this recipe on facebook and was requested to put it 'on the blog' and so I am!

Was in Goolwa (nearby ocean town) this past few days, escaping the heat in Adelaide (41c on Monday!). My parents and bro joined me and the four kiddies heading down there. I was grateful for the moral (and practical) support as Shane is on a 4WD trip this week... I was feeling slightly daunted at the prospect of being at home, stuck inside (due to heat) for a few days and so we made a plan to get out of town. My sister lives down in Goolwa and was entertaining visitors at the same time. She made too much dessert (is there such a thing?) and so called us to come and collect some. Happy to help. Now my sister really is a domestic goddess, and we knew we were in for a treat. I have to say I had my doubts that the Red Velvet Beetroot cupcakes she was offering might not be up my alley...
I have experienced chocolate beetroot cakes before, well i don't mind them, I have found them to be a little too earthy tasting- know what I mean?

Well, I was pleased to have my doubts driven away with one bite. Delicious! The mascarpone icing finsihed it off a treat! It's light and fluffy, with a slight chocolatey, beetroot flavor. Though the beetroot adds to the colour you still need food colouring to make it really red. Though if you aren't fussed about the presentation you could just leave it out. Personally I think it's kinda fun and novel.

I have always wondered 'whats the deal' with red velvet cake? It seems very American and I assumed it was just red food colouring in a vanilla cake. A bit dumb, I always thought. Though in looking up this recipe a bit I discovered that orginally (yes nowadays its a lot about the food colouring) there was something about the combination of buttermilk, with a little bit of cocoa that causes some reaction making the cake a bit reddish...obviously not red enough otherwise people wouldn't add food colouring. But I guess that's where the idea of making it red all started. Nice to know there is some authentic reason behind it all. I can lay that bug bear to bed...phew.

Despite my annoyance at the idea of simply adding food colouring to make it 'red velvet' there has always been something appealing to me about the cake (though i didn't like to admit it) Now that I have this recipe, that includes the anti-oxidant rich beetroot, I can make, bake and truly enjoy- guilt free! Well, almost, it is quite sweet, I reckon you can cut out at least a 1/4 cup of sugar and not miss it.

Instead of mascarpone icing I experimented with a bit of a cream cheese icing with coconut cream in it. Yummy. I hope you enjoy this recipe as much as I have! :)

red velvet beetroot cakes with mascarpone icing
1 beetroot
100g unsalted butter
1 1/4 cup caster sugar
1 tsp vanilla
2 eggs
1 3/4 plain flour
1 tsp baking powder
1 tsp baking soda
2 tablespoons cocoa
2 tablespoons red food colouring
3/4 cup buttermilk (add a bit of lemon juice or vinegar to the milk to make it curdle)

mascarpone icing
3 cups mascarpone
1/2 cup icing sugar

bake the beetroot first, you need half a cup of puree.
preheat to 180c. PLace butter (softened), sugar and vanilla in a mixer adn beat for 8-10 mins til pale and creamy. Add eggs one at a time, beat well. Add the flour, baking powder, baking soda, cocoa, food colouring, buttermilk and beetroot puree and beat on low speed until combined. Divide between cupcake tray. Bake for 20-25 mins or until cooked (duh!). Cool for at least 10 mins and turn out.

To make icing place the mascarpone and sugar and whisk to combine. Cut cakes in half and ice in the middle and on top.

I did my own varaiation of the icing- with cream cheese, sour cream, a bit of coconut milk, butter and icing sugar. Then I sprinkled coconut on top to cover the lumps!!

Enjoy!

Sugar cookie saga

It's no secret that I am a fan of Nigella Lawson's 'how to be a domestic goddess' cookbook. Actually when I first saw this cook book for sale, I had no idea who Nigella was, but the gorgeous cupcake on the cover and the title of the book captured my imagination. Plus, it was a bargain for $20 (!!). I think this cook book is a must-have for every kitchen. It is choc full of fantastic baking recipes (primarily). I have always found her recipes to be easy to follow and a wonderful success, no fuss and delicious! Ok, this isn't really meant to be an ad for the book, and actually what I am about to tell you might sound like a contradiction to what I have just said...

There is a kids section in the cook book, and in that section is a recipe for cut out sugar cookies. Every recipe in this book has at least a paragraph introduction where Nigella evocatively describes the recipe, why she loves it, where it came from or how delicious it is to eat. The description for these sugar cookies talked about how she never failed to make these for her children on their birthday. That every year they have cookies in the shape of whichever number they have just turned- 'my children couldn't contemplate a birthday party without them'- she gushes.

Having first read this before Esther turned one, I decided that my children would also not know a birthday without these cookies. I would adopt this tradition. And how lovely to make them at every birthday, not only that- they can help me with them! How fun!

Well... I have to say the recipe is brilliant and tasty and lives up to the promise of not only being a sugar cookie that holds its shape well, but also tastes good (some what of a challenging achievement with said cookies). However, what I didn't realise at the time I naively signed up for a life of sugar cookie making was how tedious I find rolling out and cutting a batch of cookies...

I am definitely in the 'no fuss' camp of home cooks and tend to get bored quite quickly, compared to grabbing balls of dough and plopping them on the tray (which is my usual mode with cookie making) it feels like a bit of a chore to get through. Added to that is the fact you need to refriegerate the dough before using, so it makes it seem somewhat more involved and time consuming. But these are minor irritations compare with trying to involve the children in making them.

The thing is, the whole point of making cut-out cookies is that you want the shape to be recognisable...an obvious point yes. Involving young children and toddlers in the process of rolling out the dough (to just the right thickness) cutting out the shapes, economically to avoid too many re-rolls (working the dough too much results in tougher cookies). Then, picking up the cookies carefully and putting them on the tray without destroying them...
Yes, this is a recipe (pardon the pun haha) for FRUSTRATION! what was meant to be a fun birthday bonding experience quickly becomes an opportunity for mum to learn a new level in patience.

From these experiences I have in recent times decided to make the dough and the cookies on my own in the evening and just involve the kids in the decorating component. But for some reason I forgot about this handy tip when I decdied to make christmas sugar cookies this week with the kids... GARG"HSHSH!! My patience pushed even more considering I am also a sleep - deprived mum who is settling a new born in the wee hours of the morning...WHAT was I thinking?! Shane saw my crazy eyes and assisted by whisking Hudson away, though he howled in protest, I felt bad. But his contribution to the process had been to destroy the rare few, well-formed cookies that made it to the tray. At this point I remembered that I don't usually do this with the kids. Duh. The cookies don't look very presentable and won't be making it as gifts for anyone. The amount of handling and finger licking confirming my decision to keep these cookies in-house.

Also, we forgot to buy icing sugar so they are still sitting on the counter waiting to be iced...getting stale... You don't want to eat one.

So, is anyone feeling inspired? Want to adopt my great tradition?!! Look, despite my frustration this week, it IS a fun tradition for the kids and always exciting to get their cookies on their birthday. :)
So if by some bizarre chance you are still keen, here's the recipe, including her little introduction.
Merry Christmas

50 to 60 cookies

Introduction

It’s not hard to make cookies that hold their shape well while cooking, and it’s not hard to make cookies that taste good and have a melting, buttery texture. What’s hard is to find a cookie that does all of these things together. This one, by way of a wonderful American book, The Family Baker, does, so any time you want to play supermummy in the kitchen, here is where you start.
Like all doughs, this dough freezes well, so it makes sense — in a smug, domestic kind of way — to wrap half of the dough in plastic wrap and stash it in the deep freeze until next needed. It’s hard to specify exactly how much icing you’ll need, but you might end up using more than specified below if you’re using a lot of different colors. I always cut out the newly acquired age of the child on his or her birthday. My children couldn’t contemplate a birthday party without them.

Ingredients

Cookies

	¾	cup (1½ sticks) unsalted butter, softened
	¾	cup sugar
	2	large eggs
	1	tsp. vanilla extract
	2⅔	cups cake flour, plus more if needed
	1	tsp. baking powder
	1	tsp. salt
	~	Cookie cutters
	2	baking sheets, greased or lined with parchment or waxed paper

Frosting

	2	Tbsp. hot water
	2	cups confectioner’s sugar, sifted
	~	Food coloring as needed

Steps

1. Cream the butter and sugar together until pale and moving toward moussiness, then beat in the eggs and vanilla. In another bowl, combine the flour, baking powder, and salt. Add the dry ingredients to the butter and eggs, and mix gently but surely.
2. If you think the finished mixture is too sticky to be rolled out, add more flour, but do so sparingly, as too much will make the dough tough. Halve the dough, form it into 2 fat discs, wrap each half in plastic wrap, and let it rest in the refrigerator for at least 1 hour.
3. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.
4. Sprinkle a suitable surface with flour, place a disc of dough on it (not taking out the other half until you’ve finished with the first), and sprinkle more flour on that. Then roll it out to a thickness of about ¼ inch. Cut into shapes, dipping the cutter into flour as you go, and place the cookies a little apart on the baking sheets.
5. Bake for 8 to 12 minutes, by which time the cookies will be lightly golden around the edges. Cool on a rack and continue with the rest of the dough.
6. When the cookies are all fully cooled, you can get on with the icing. Put a couple of tablespoons of just-not-boiling water into a large bowl, add the sifted confectioners’ sugar, and mix together, adding more water as you need to form a thick paste. Color as desired; let the artistic spirit within you speak, remembering with gratitude that children have very bad taste.
7. Frost the cookies; let the frosting set a bit before coating with sprinkles or other decor.

Baby makes 6

I wrote a post early this year entitled 'Enlarge' on this blog. I had been contemplating how miraculous it is to have children, what a blessing it is, yet our culture most often views children as a burden, a limitation. Of course there are limits that come with children, and burdens, but I realised how tragic it is when we get stuck at that point of understanding. If we fail to see how incredible new life is and how blessed the one is who brings that life into and up in this world. I had a revelation of this and hence wrote that post, little did I know what God and his sneaky sense of humour were up to. Shortly after writing that post I discovered 'surprise'! we are expecting child number 4!! I had always claimed the ambition of having four children. However, after having two girls and a little boy, it seemed that we had such a delightful little family and I felt very satisfied and was coming to the point of reckoning we had reached our full 'quiver'. I was pretty close to calling it quits on the baby game, but as often is the case- 'man makes his plans, but God directs his steps' (Proverbs 16:9) and I LOVE that he does because his plans are monumentally better than my own.

And so, we welcomed Zipporah Pearl into the world on November 7th 2012. Wow. She is an incredible blessing.

I surprised myself with how quickly I went from 'pretty sure I am done having kids' to 'Weeeeeeee, i get to have another one!!' I really was almost instantly ecstatic with the idea. For some strange reason a lot of that was tied up with the fact that it was a bit of a surprise to get pregnant. For me there was something absolutely wonderful about having the planning taken out of my hands. It made me feel affirmed in my mothering (that God saw fit to give us another child) and was so freeing in a way to know that I really don't control these things. There is somethign so wonderful about giving your life over to God and allowing him to direct your course. Since becoming pregnant with Zipporah, its like the floodgates have opened in my heart. Ok, floodgates might be a little dramatic... BUT, I just feel so overwhelmed with the privilege and joy it is to have children and be a mother. I feel so RICH! I also feel determined to stand against the cultural tide of opinion that would speak of parenting as a burden, as a taking-away of our own dreams and personal desires. What we receive is so much greater than what we give. Being a custodian of dreams is far greater than just being a dreamer of dreams.

Another fulfilment of a dream occurred in our family this week as my sister and brother-in-law got 'THE call' from the adoption agency about their long-awaited for filipino son- his name is Sancho! We can't wait to meet him! God is so good. He puts dreams in our hearts and carries them to fulfilment.

I always dreamed, or desired to have four children. Even when I was ready to put aside my dream and be content with 3, God was at work making Zipporah. Now one dream is fulfilled, I guess its time to dream again! I am so glad that God's got dreams for me and will keep pushing me on to fulfil them even when I think what I have is 'enough'. It's amazing what will happen in our lives as we let God in to enlarge our vision and encompass our dreams.

Children are a blessing from the Lord.

Paranoid mum + Google = Panic stricken mum

It seems as though being paranoid is just par for the course when you become a mum. Yes there are varying degrees of it, but I think we all are guilty of over-reacting when it comes to the safety and health of our precious ones...

I know when Esther was first born I felt such a vulnerability. I couldn't handle listening to the news, the thought of evil in the world was too much to take with a tiny bundle to look after and I didn't want to be reminded of it more than necessary. I remember really struggling with fearful thoughts and imaginging awful scenarios happening to her. Trips to the wharf in Darwin were opportunities for me to resist my fear in a big way, the temptation to imagine falling off those railing-free edges dropping 5 or so metres into dark seas was almost too much to take (Darwin mums, you know what I am talking about!!). I really had to seek God's help in those months to find freedom from those haunting, tormenting and most often, irrational fears for her safety. I am grateful that I was indeed delivered from being consumed by such fears and they certainly have far less of a grip on me now then they once did...But, its a constant area to keep a watch on.

Google. Its your best friend and its your worst enemy mums. The internet can be so helpful to find connection, advice and support when you are at home with a little one, particularly when they are sick, or colicky and you need to know you aren't alone, you need advice and ideas to get through the night. REassurance that this is 'normal' or to know what to do next. However, there can be a dark side too. As those fears start creeping in that this fever might be more malicious than it first appeared and what could taht rash mean?.... We do what any self-respecting 21st century mum would do. WE get googling. I know there are lots of times that this can be helpful, but just as often it becomes a place where our worst nightmares are fed. The worst case scenarios come hunting us down like helpless prey. It's 11pm, we're tired, we're worried, we're irrational, suddenly it seems so convincing that our child's fever is not merely a 24 hour bug but the first signs of a terminal illness. Tears fill our eyes as we begin to imagine life without our child. How will we cope? What we will we do? OH WHY GOD WHY!!?? WE go in to give our child our child an overly-emotional kiss on the cheek to find the fever has dissipated with that last does of panadol...It's probably just nothing...Phew, that was a close one... You know what I am talking about mums! We've all been there!

I don't want to be trite because we all know that this is an imperfect world we live in, and for too many people this is a reality they are dealing with, and there is always a possibility that we could too, its not a totally irrational fear in that sense. But the point I am trying to make is that we too easily allow ourselves to be full of fear and jump to worst case scenarios, when we really don't have a good reason too and end up expending a lot of emotional energy that could be wisely invested elsewhere!

Recently I had Esther checked out by a specialist Peadeatrician. There had been a nagging issue with her that I wanted to ask someone in the know about, but had put it off until I had to go to the Dr. for another reason. So last round of anti-biotics I talked to the G.P and he gave me a referrall. Now, before going to this appointment with the Paed I had done some googling... The issue I had in mind came up with a whole assortment of possible causes and believe me, some were quite fear-inducing! Others were less scary but still had repercussions and I thought I may well have to dramatically alter Esther's diet... Anyway, the paedeatrician was great he did a throrough examination, asked a lot of questions, was brilliant with the kids and was able to answer my questions and bring some sanity- and expertise to the table. Yay. Although he acknowledged Esther had some abnormal symptoms there was no serious root cause that should concern us,it could be dealt with in a very simplistic way. I talked to him about some of my googling outcomes and he brushed most of them away as 'wives tales' and told me they had nothing to do with our situation. I can't tell you how refreshing it was to talk to someone who actually knew what they were on about! The problem with google is you never REALLY know if the information you have found is accurate and reliable and if it even applies to your situation! Until you have someone with credibility to look at your unique situation, its all just guess work, and with our paranoid minds on the task we can so easily end up 'guessing' that it is much more serious than we first thought. At the end of the day if we have an issue we are genuiniely concerned about its best to get advice from a reliable source rather than torment ourselves with all the possible 'what-ifs' that are out there.

Now, for $240 bucks a pop I don't think I will be heading down to see our lovely Paedeatrician just any ol time! But its great to know that when there is a serious concern there is a reliable sources of information out there, even if they do cost money!! (i did get $120 back from medi-care so its not TOO bad)

I know there is no easy way out for us as mums, we care so deeply and have so much invested in our children that thought of losing them or harm coming is so real and so over whelming at times, and for many of us there are very serious issues and conditions we have to deal with and face. However, I think it is important that we continue to fight off fear as it never really produces anything of value. I know this is basically impossible. The only way that I have found freedom from my fears is in trusting that I have a Father in heaven who ultimately loves my children more than me, that he has a plan and purpose for me and for them and even if the worst case scenarios DID occur I can trust that he will help me get through whatever situation I may face in life. It is in this knowledge that I can find peace in the face of temptation to fear and as the years have gone on I have found greater assurance of his love and more faith that he will never leave me or allow me to go through anything beyond which I can cope with. This is a blessed reassurance and If you share a faith in Jesus Christ I encourage you to remember his words in Matthew 6:34- Do not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. So ... Less  googling and more praying!

 If you do not know the comfort and assurance of the love of our heavenly father, I encourage you to consider his invitation. He invites us all to have fellowship with him, made available to us through the sacrifice of his son Jesus, who has conquered the grave- and with it our ultimate fears... 'death where is your victory? death where is your sting?' We need not fear death any more because he has overcome and taken away its fatal sting. I hope you can come to know the joy of this that I have and the incredible freedom from fear that comes with it, as we choose to embrace this reality more and more.