To slap or not to slap?

So you think this blog is going to be about corporal punishment and the pros and cons of this culturally sensitive debate? Well, you are wrong. What I wish to share with you today is the violent predecession of the untamed toddler heart, namely, Esther Rayner. Ok, I am not going to lie to you or make it sound better than it is. Esther hits other kids. There I said it! Sometimes I even think she enjoys it. Shocking, I know. I don't think there is anything much more distressing than to see your child inflict acts of harm on others. It flies in the face of all that I desire for her. She is acting out exactly the opposite to my wishes. It is upsetting, it is frustrating and it is challenging! I know how the other mums must be feeling because I know how I feel when Esther is the victim. It doesn't take long for a kid to get in the bad books, or not be wanted because of his behaviour and I am very sensitive to this fact. It is unavoidable, nobody wants to hang out with you if your child is going to hurt their child. So I feel the intense pressure to hurry Esther out of this 'phase' ASAP!

The last couple of weeks I have been watching her like a hawk whenever we are with other little kids, at times even sacrificing my catch up time with friends to go and 'play' (aka supervise Esther) with the kiddes to make sure all goes smoothly. I have really been feeling stressed about this. At play group two weeks ago I believe Esther hit EVERYONE at playgroup, at least once. ARGH! I was feeling pretty tense that morning. As I put Esther in the high chair for the fifth 'time out' that morning I assured everyone that I was starting a toddler course the following week. Talk about embaressing.

I have been having lots of talks with Esther as we drive places on our way to see friends. I talk about being kind and not hitting, being gentle, sharing, coming to mummy if you need help etc. She repeats back a lot of it and it seems like she is understanding. Yet when she is in a situation and something isn't going her way- watch out! Just when I start to wonder if we can ever go out in public again I begin to see some glimmers of hope. On Friday we had Zoe Giltinan over for the day and there were no angry outbursts. As we were driving Zoe home she exclaimed cheerfully at the sudden realisation 'Esther doesn't hit me anymore!' What lovely encouragement, and how sweet that 3 year olds are so forgiving. I wondered if our 'talks' with Esther were finally paying off as that morning before Zoe arrived, I told Esther she was coming over to play. Esther immediately responded with; 'Don't hit peoples' and followed it up with the more specific 'Don't hit Giltinans'. Yes, I couldn't agree more. And I am praying that we have turned a corner and the worst is over. Hoping our vigilance is paying off in this area. For anyone reading this and your child is going through something similar-I feel your pain!

Time to live

I have to make special mention of Nathan T and his wife Ang and also to Karin who I saw yesterday and today (respectively) and who both, spontaneously encouraged me in my blog writing! :) thanks guys! You don't know how it encourages me to know you take the time to read my thoughts and that you enjoy it. You reinspire me and I dedicate this to you. Mwaw!

Last Tuesday night I attended my much loved GEMS night (godly encouragement for mums) and it is certainly always that. While I am in the mood for thanking people I would like to thank Janie for all her hard work and love that she puts into encouraging mums and families. You are an inspiration and a great source of hope for me and I know many other mums! Last GEMS was probably one of the most enjoyable for me as it was tackling something very practical; balancing what you have to do each day! Yes this is a challenge to us all, mums or not. It was great to get some pearls of wisdom and some practical ideas on how to make the most of daily living as a mum. I took notes, so I will share some of the highlights. I will start with the pearls of wisdom and then share some of Janie's practical insights and of course, since it is MY blog, you will have to hear some of my ideas too!

WORDS OF WISDOM
Save your 'yes's' for the BEST things. Don't use up all your time on what is simply a 'good' thing to do. Ask yourself; 'is this the BEST thing for me and my family?' You can't fit everything you want to do in life into one season of life. Sometimes you have to let go of things and realise, there will be another season of life where I can pick this back up.

Don't let yourself become too busy. LIVE OUT the reality that death is inevitable and quite possibly imminent (!) Ask yourself; 'What are my long term priorities?' and then live them out and live in harmony with them. Don't underestimate the value, for good or for bad, of little decisions. Small choices and actions build up to big consequences.

Too often what is important gets sidelined for what seems urgent. This is STRESSFUL! Rest and exercise are usually the first things to get ditched at these times, which has a profound negative affect on all areas of life. Are you busy doing a lot but not finding time for what is important?

urgent= reactive
important= proactive

Decide what is important for you and live in a way that reflects that. Someone is planning your days. Is it you? Don't live by someone else's agenda. YOU need to schedule your priorities. If you fail to do this you will fail to experience the outcomes you are looking for in life.

Think, reflect, plan!

Do the things you love to do. Take time to dream. What would you most like to do in life? Small changes can make a big difference and bring you closer to what you are hoping for.

PRACTICAL TIPS
Streamline: Do priority tasks early in the day
Use a calendar and BOOK in date nights, family nights and times to connect with others.

Organise your home. (I'm trying ok!!) Start little and be consistent. (I have started on my girls wardrobe, as seen in earlier blog, I do find it a lot easier to keep on top of the clothes situation since doing that AND I have successfully maintained it for three weeks! Thats a new record for me I think! Yay.)

Work towards a structured day (always flexible of course). Boredom=mischief = mental breakdown for mum!
Get kids to bed on time, for you sanity and theirs. A well slept child is a happy child and same can be said for us no doubt!

Work towards raising morally responsible children. PLAN your parenting, don't be caught off guard. Be generous in love and encouragement. Bring your children into your world. Involved them in the daily tasks that need to be done. It's not our job as mum to simply keep them entertained all day but to teach and train them. This can start at a very young age and slowly increase with their maturity and ability. Work together and alongside each other. Get them to put clothes away, help with dishes, pick things up, make a mini clothesline for them to help hang washing. They take so much pride in helping mummy. Remember our job is to work ourselves OUT of a job. (Sounds good to me!)

Get rid of bad habits and time wasters (hmmm mine would probably facebook...)

Work hard and then rest without feeling guilty! (I actually don't have a problem with this one!)

If you need to fit something else into your schedule, try and take something else out.

Work Smart; while doing housework or even out shopping, listen to an MP3 player- get your soul fed by listening to music, worship, teaching etc. Keep books and (appropriate!) crafts in your bag to pull out when in waiting rooms or queues or you have a spare moment at home (like on the toilet (no I don't think I even get to do that in peace!..'mummy, what you doing?')
Use a slow cooker! It feels so good to have dinner done by 9am! It is such a great way of avoiding the chaotic rush that usually accompanies tea time.

As I get more efficient and find more ways of occupying Esther I have to remember to keep taking time out to just 'be' with my little girl. To talk to her and play with her without always thinking about what I need to do next. When playing with her in her room I find my self starting to sort clothes and put things away instead of just enjoying her company. She will grow up fast and I want to know that I enjoyed everyday and took advantage of the time we had together to really get to know her and not just look after her. Both are important we just need to keep them in balance.

Get help if you need it, and again don't feel guilty! We all need help and no one is really a super mum, we all need each other, for encouragement if nothing else. Be proactive in encouraing other mums. It is so easy for us to judge one another. We are all so different in how we parent. But we don't know what burdens another is carrying. And our kind word of encouragment might be the thing that helps them get through another day. Words are powerful; use that power for good!

So that's my notes from GEMS this month, I hope you find them as encouraging and inspiring as I did.

If you are messy, disorganised, tired and worn out; REJOICE. There is so much potential for you to be changed and for God to be glorified. Remember, NOTHING is impossible for our God. ASK him for help and he WILL hear you. I know this is true as he is doing this for me!

Clothes!

Well, its time I wrote of things of a less philosophical nature and get back to the domestic tasks at hand! Clothes!

Do any other mothers feel overwhelmed at the amount of clothing they have for their children? Do you have piles of clothes half sorted cluttering up the corners of your rooms and the recesses' of the closet? I sure do. I seem to be in a constant state of 'sorting out' with the clothes. It doesn't help that they both keep growing out of things... No one likes to get rid of the cutesy precious things their little princesses have worn. And so we like to hand them on to dearly loved friends and family who will enjoy them as much as we have, plus it takes the pain out of parting with them. I have been the blessed recipient of many such items, thanks to my sister and a few good friends. However, I am very nostalgic and find it hard to throw things away. I find I am keeping items of clothing not so much because I like them, but I know my sister really did, so perhaps I better hang on to it, in case I have a third girl...

Meanwhile my closets are in such disarray and the 'put aside' boxes with clothes that someone is waiting to 'grow into' are forgotten until it is too late!
Before I put anyone off buying me new things for the girls, let me say how much I LOVE getting lovely new or second hand things. Dressing little girls is sooo much fun. However the aquirement of clothing seems to highlight my lack of organisation skills. But, I am happy to announce I have done much reorganising today! I have even begun labelling the storage containers I have put away, now whenever I see them, I will remember what is in there and ponder when I might use them next.

I was able to spend a couple of hours on this usually overwhelming task as my lovely friend Mia is looking after Esther for the day. It is sooo novel to have all this time on my hands to do things like sort through clothes! It was actually really fun and I discovered that I would probably be doing a better job of upkeep in this area if I had more time to devote to it... I am sure that is a popular excuse for all sorts of things... :)

At any rate the girls' closet is looking quite lovely and I am feeling an inner calm about it all....sigh of contentment....

There still is the problem of what to do with the clothes I really like and both girls have grown out of. I find it especially hard to know what to do with the girly clothes, as I am trying to keep my 'stuff for next baby' as gender neutral as possible. My solution? See picture below...

...We will have the best dressed stuffed toys around!

His mercies are new every morning

Well, it's time to blog again. Reading my previous blog, that week is still fresh in my mind. I have had quite a positive in change in outlook since that time and am enjoying the fruit of that in my days. I love the Joyce Meyer slogan 'enjoying everyday life'. It's so simple but so profound... We all have mountain top moments of feeling like we can take on the world, that we can do anything...Often they are quite fleeting as we are plunged into the valley of despair, drudgery or monotony all too quickly. What I am discovering is the truth in the phrase 'abundant life'. The real secret to enjoying everyday life, it seems to me, is having the mundane transformed into the marvelous. Look, I am not quite sure how it happens, and many days it certainly doesn't for me (as seen in my last post) but I have experienced it. When His truth becomes my reality, life is wonderful. Things that have held dread, tasks that seem overwhelminging are transformed into the merest of trifles. It is amazing what happens when we truly believe his word.

Isn't it just lovely that God WANTS us to enjoy our lives? That he has made a way for it to be possible? He is so good to us, he is such a loving Father. I am so delighted to have the freedom to choose how I approach the day. sometimes I use that power against myself, I make unwise choices, I allow circumstances to dictate my response and a vicious circle begins! However, at any moment I can make new choices and step off that cycle; I can ask for help, strength, patience and mercy. Each new day I get to start again, to start afresh. He knows we need that sleep and that new morning to try it all over again and maybe get it a bit more right this time! Thank you for your mercy Father and for giving it to us afresh each day, it is much needed and much appreciated!

domestic drag...

Yes. Believe it or not people there are days when I DON'T feel like a domestic goddess. But then this blog is all about chronicling my journey from housewife to goddess so I guess that is ok.

Why do some days just drag?

The whining, the crying, the demands, the dishes, the laundry, the mess, the bad hair, the big waistline and the slow ticking clock all combine to make life seem...Hard! Today was one of the those days...Though I must confess both girls were quite good and did well, or at least average. But it is not so much what is happening around me that gets me down, but within. It doesn't seem to take much... Lose a bit of sleep here, bit of bad nutrition there, not much time with God and... Here I am feeling sad and sorry for myself again. I do have a down day now and then but this week there has been more than one which isn't very nice, and I spend my time trying to analyse all the reasons for this and who is to blame rather than just climb back out of my self pity pit and get on with it, to do what I know to do. I have all the answers; how to climb out...But sometimes I don't FEEL like doing it and I just want someone to reach out and kiss ME better. You know the feeling?...

Desperate house...husband?

Okay, before I begin let me just say that I have got to be married to one of the best men in the world. Shane is handsome and loving, considerate, patient, supportive, hard working, funny, a great father and always willing to help me out. In fact, that is what he was doing this evening.

I ducked out at 5:45 to go to my 'balance' class at the gym, leaving him with the two girls and dinner half way prepared. I had just fed charlotte and put her into bed, so she should be off to sleep soon. Esther and him had just come in from playing in the yard and she needed to eat, have a bath and get ready for bed. I told Shane that the potatoes had about 5 mins to go (boiling on the stove) the corn was in the microwave and when it was done another piece had to be cooked (2mins each side) the salmon was frying on the stove too and needed a couple more minutes. I was tempted to remind him (maybe for the third time) as I was walking out the door, about the potatoes and that they were almost done. After all it had been a lot of instructions and I thought it wouldn't hurt to remind him what the first one was. No, I don't want to patronise him, he can handle it, they are bubbling away on the stove next to the salmon, hard to miss...

So I enjoyed a lovely hour of stretching and strengthening at balance with a few friends and was dropped home just before 7. Hmmm the house was undoubtedly in a far worse state than when I had left. Well, that is perhaps unfair, Shane had started to fold laundry. It was just all over the living room floor, but half way there, no probs. It was quiet. I could hear Esther splashing in the laundry tub out back and Shane talking to her. I will just check on Charlotte... Not in her bed, not on our bed. 'Shane' I called out, 'Where's Charlotte?'.

'Wouldn't you like to know?' came his reply from out back. I went outside to see what he meant; there was Charlotte, strapped to Shane's chest in the baby carrier, while Shane was in the process of washing Esther's hair. It looked so ridiculously and desperetely domestic that I cracked up laughing.

'it's either this or she's screaming' replied the normally resilient-to-screaming Shane. Charlotte was looking a little red eyed. 'How was dinner' I asked. 'I burnt the potatoes' he replied. 'What?! How did you burn BOILED potatoes?' I started laughing again. 'the water evaporated' was his matter of fact reply. By this time I was towelling down Esther (who's hair was still full of soap). I kept looking at Shane and laughing at him carrying around Charlotte, imagining the whole chaotic scene unfolding...Getting Esther organised for the bath, Charlotte screaming, potatoes burning... Explained the half folded laundry sprawled around the living room. Shane was calm, cool and collected, as always, despite the fuss unravelling about him.

The whole situation made me feel better in a way. It IS a challenge to look after a toddler and a baby, clean up, keep THEM clean, get everyone fed and fold the laundry and sometimes it all doesn't get done (ok, a lot of times it all doesn't get done!). I appreciate Shane's willingness to do it all while I am out, giving me some much needed time and space. It helps me to see to, that I am doing alright at it all and getting better all the time. It is fun to see him trying to juggle the slightly less familiar tasks that I am doing all day long. It's amusing to see how we handle things differently and also how we can compliment each other; Shane stays calm in the face of chaos and I make sure the food doesn't get burnt! :)

Falling off the wagon...

Ok, confession time. I have (unofficially) fallen off the wagon with my 'healthy lifestyle' plan. The point of the healthy lifestyle however, is that it is not a 'wagon' that you can hop on and off of, but more of a one way ticket on some sort of transport that you can't get off of easily (say bullet train?), ok I am struggling for metaphors here. If I haven't fallen off of the 'wagon' I have lost a wheel or something (wheel representing my motivation and enthusiasm). Sigh. That bit of gastro threw me out. See, at first I was thinking 'yay bonus easy kilos to lose' and I did lose a bit that week. But then I was over optimistic about this whole weight loss thing and the goal was so within grasp and it had been easier than I had anticipated (thanks to not eating for a week, sort of) and so, you know, time to celebrate! I don't need to say no to those bars of chocolate and packets of chips anymore.... And so I find myself back to square one. Well, perhaps I am being a little pessimistic, I don't think I have gained anything...Well I haven't weighed myself yet today and so I will do that now, as it is Monday, payday as it were... hang on a sec....Sigh, yes it looks like I have put on about a kilo since last week. There is just no easy way around this is there? I just really feel like eating junk! Ok, time to read Dr. Phil's weight loss solution again...I am sure he will offer me some straight talking 'is that working for you' advice. I WILL reach my goal!!!!