Smile, say "Cheese"!

Click, click, click, click, ka-chick, ka-chick.

The sound of moments captured.

With the simple touch to a button, or most often, an iphone screen, another photo taken.

and another, and another, and just one more, and one more from a slightly different angle...

I flip through them again quickly... Hmmm should I delete any? Well, maybe that one...but, oh, he has such a precious expression there, a moment that will never be repeated...Why not keep it? What's one more? 

GAH!!

If you are anything like me you are drowning under the weight of the photos you have taken in the last 3-4 years. The last few years of historical life moments that had to be captured. Babies and toddlers and birthdays, holidays, normal days, every days, boring days, funny days. They are all there. Captured, saved, uncategorised....

GAH!!

It was such a beautiful relationship when it started. Oh the fun! The ease! Wow, you mean I don't have to buy expensive film any more? I don't have to limit my creative licence because of money now?! Woo hoo! Photo shoots and happy snaps til we can't move our fingers any more  there couldn't possibly be a down side to the wonders of this new technology?!

GAH!!!

I really shouldn't complain. I am so blessed to have a rich life with so many moments worth capturing...But...what do I do with them all? And when? Who has the time to trawl back through the weeks, months and years of photos taken and decide just what to do with them all? Sigh. 

It's like mount everest and I am afraid of heights.

Anyone else know the feeling??

Red Velvet Beetroot

Well hello. Here's another recipe based post! Two in a row! Woo. Quite unusual for me, as I tend to veer into writing about the philosophical aspects of life and not always in the nitty gritty of everyday in the kitchen. However, I posted about this recipe on facebook and was requested to put it 'on the blog' and so I am!

Was in Goolwa (nearby ocean town) this past few days, escaping the heat in Adelaide (41c on Monday!). My parents and bro joined me and the four kiddies heading down there. I was grateful for the moral (and practical) support as Shane is on a 4WD trip this week... I was feeling slightly daunted at the prospect of being at home, stuck inside (due to heat) for a few days and so we made a plan to get out of town. My sister lives down in Goolwa and was entertaining visitors at the same time. She made too much dessert (is there such a thing?) and so called us to come and collect some. Happy to help. Now my sister really is a domestic goddess, and we knew we were in for a treat. I have to say I had my doubts that the Red Velvet Beetroot cupcakes she was offering might not be up my alley...
I have experienced chocolate beetroot cakes before, well i don't mind them, I have found them to be a little too earthy tasting- know what I mean?

Well, I was pleased to have my doubts driven away with one bite. Delicious! The mascarpone icing finsihed it off a treat! It's light and fluffy, with a slight chocolatey, beetroot flavor. Though the beetroot adds to the colour you still need food colouring to make it really red. Though if you aren't fussed about the presentation you could just leave it out. Personally I think it's kinda fun and novel.

I have always wondered 'whats the deal' with red velvet cake? It seems very American and I assumed it was just red food colouring in a vanilla cake. A bit dumb, I always thought. Though in looking up this recipe a bit I discovered that orginally (yes nowadays its a lot about the food colouring) there was something about the combination of buttermilk, with a little bit of cocoa that causes some reaction making the cake a bit reddish...obviously not red enough otherwise people wouldn't add food colouring. But I guess that's where the idea of making it red all started. Nice to know there is some authentic reason behind it all. I can lay that bug bear to bed...phew.

Despite my annoyance at the idea of simply adding food colouring to make it 'red velvet' there has always been something appealing to me about the cake (though i didn't like to admit it) Now that I have this recipe, that includes the anti-oxidant rich beetroot, I can make, bake and truly enjoy- guilt free! Well, almost, it is quite sweet, I reckon you can cut out at least a 1/4 cup of sugar and not miss it.

Instead of mascarpone icing I experimented with a bit of a cream cheese icing with coconut cream in it. Yummy. I hope you enjoy this recipe as much as I have! :)

red velvet beetroot cakes with mascarpone icing
1 beetroot
100g unsalted butter
1 1/4 cup caster sugar
1 tsp vanilla
2 eggs
1 3/4 plain flour
1 tsp baking powder
1 tsp baking soda
2 tablespoons cocoa
2 tablespoons red food colouring
3/4 cup buttermilk (add a bit of lemon juice or vinegar to the milk to make it curdle)

mascarpone icing
3 cups mascarpone
1/2 cup icing sugar

bake the beetroot first, you need half a cup of puree.
preheat to 180c. PLace butter (softened), sugar and vanilla in a mixer adn beat for 8-10 mins til pale and creamy. Add eggs one at a time, beat well. Add the flour, baking powder, baking soda, cocoa, food colouring, buttermilk and beetroot puree and beat on low speed until combined. Divide between cupcake tray. Bake for 20-25 mins or until cooked (duh!). Cool for at least 10 mins and turn out.

To make icing place the mascarpone and sugar and whisk to combine. Cut cakes in half and ice in the middle and on top.

I did my own varaiation of the icing- with cream cheese, sour cream, a bit of coconut milk, butter and icing sugar. Then I sprinkled coconut on top to cover the lumps!!

Enjoy!

Sugar cookie saga

It's no secret that I am a fan of Nigella Lawson's 'how to be a domestic goddess' cookbook. Actually when I first saw this cook book for sale, I had no idea who Nigella was, but the gorgeous cupcake on the cover and the title of the book captured my imagination. Plus, it was a bargain for $20 (!!). I think this cook book is a must-have for every kitchen. It is choc full of fantastic baking recipes (primarily). I have always found her recipes to be easy to follow and a wonderful success, no fuss and delicious! Ok, this isn't really meant to be an ad for the book, and actually what I am about to tell you might sound like a contradiction to what I have just said...

There is a kids section in the cook book, and in that section is a recipe for cut out sugar cookies. Every recipe in this book has at least a paragraph introduction where Nigella evocatively describes the recipe, why she loves it, where it came from or how delicious it is to eat. The description for these sugar cookies talked about how she never failed to make these for her children on their birthday. That every year they have cookies in the shape of whichever number they have just turned- 'my children couldn't contemplate a birthday party without them'- she gushes.

Having first read this before Esther turned one, I decided that my children would also not know a birthday without these cookies. I would adopt this tradition. And how lovely to make them at every birthday, not only that- they can help me with them! How fun!

Well... I have to say the recipe is brilliant and tasty and lives up to the promise of not only being a sugar cookie that holds its shape well, but also tastes good (some what of a challenging achievement with said cookies). However, what I didn't realise at the time I naively signed up for a life of sugar cookie making was how tedious I find rolling out and cutting a batch of cookies...

I am definitely in the 'no fuss' camp of home cooks and tend to get bored quite quickly, compared to grabbing balls of dough and plopping them on the tray (which is my usual mode with cookie making) it feels like a bit of a chore to get through. Added to that is the fact you need to refriegerate the dough before using, so it makes it seem somewhat more involved and time consuming. But these are minor irritations compare with trying to involve the children in making them.

The thing is, the whole point of making cut-out cookies is that you want the shape to be recognisable...an obvious point yes. Involving young children and toddlers in the process of rolling out the dough (to just the right thickness) cutting out the shapes, economically to avoid too many re-rolls (working the dough too much results in tougher cookies). Then, picking up the cookies carefully and putting them on the tray without destroying them...
Yes, this is a recipe (pardon the pun haha) for FRUSTRATION! what was meant to be a fun birthday bonding experience quickly becomes an opportunity for mum to learn a new level in patience.

From these experiences I have in recent times decided to make the dough and the cookies on my own in the evening and just involve the kids in the decorating component. But for some reason I forgot about this handy tip when I decdied to make christmas sugar cookies this week with the kids... GARG"HSHSH!! My patience pushed even more considering I am also a sleep - deprived mum who is settling a new born in the wee hours of the morning...WHAT was I thinking?! Shane saw my crazy eyes and assisted by whisking Hudson away, though he howled in protest, I felt bad. But his contribution to the process had been to destroy the rare few, well-formed cookies that made it to the tray. At this point I remembered that I don't usually do this with the kids. Duh. The cookies don't look very presentable and won't be making it as gifts for anyone. The amount of handling and finger licking confirming my decision to keep these cookies in-house.

Also, we forgot to buy icing sugar so they are still sitting on the counter waiting to be iced...getting stale... You don't want to eat one.

So, is anyone feeling inspired? Want to adopt my great tradition?!! Look, despite my frustration this week, it IS a fun tradition for the kids and always exciting to get their cookies on their birthday. :)
So if by some bizarre chance you are still keen, here's the recipe, including her little introduction.
Merry Christmas

50 to 60 cookies

Introduction

It’s not hard to make cookies that hold their shape well while cooking, and it’s not hard to make cookies that taste good and have a melting, buttery texture. What’s hard is to find a cookie that does all of these things together. This one, by way of a wonderful American book, The Family Baker, does, so any time you want to play supermummy in the kitchen, here is where you start.
Like all doughs, this dough freezes well, so it makes sense — in a smug, domestic kind of way — to wrap half of the dough in plastic wrap and stash it in the deep freeze until next needed. It’s hard to specify exactly how much icing you’ll need, but you might end up using more than specified below if you’re using a lot of different colors. I always cut out the newly acquired age of the child on his or her birthday. My children couldn’t contemplate a birthday party without them.

Ingredients

Cookies

	¾	cup (1½ sticks) unsalted butter, softened
	¾	cup sugar
	2	large eggs
	1	tsp. vanilla extract
	2⅔	cups cake flour, plus more if needed
	1	tsp. baking powder
	1	tsp. salt
	~	Cookie cutters
	2	baking sheets, greased or lined with parchment or waxed paper

Frosting

	2	Tbsp. hot water
	2	cups confectioner’s sugar, sifted
	~	Food coloring as needed

Steps

1. Cream the butter and sugar together until pale and moving toward moussiness, then beat in the eggs and vanilla. In another bowl, combine the flour, baking powder, and salt. Add the dry ingredients to the butter and eggs, and mix gently but surely.
2. If you think the finished mixture is too sticky to be rolled out, add more flour, but do so sparingly, as too much will make the dough tough. Halve the dough, form it into 2 fat discs, wrap each half in plastic wrap, and let it rest in the refrigerator for at least 1 hour.
3. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.
4. Sprinkle a suitable surface with flour, place a disc of dough on it (not taking out the other half until you’ve finished with the first), and sprinkle more flour on that. Then roll it out to a thickness of about ¼ inch. Cut into shapes, dipping the cutter into flour as you go, and place the cookies a little apart on the baking sheets.
5. Bake for 8 to 12 minutes, by which time the cookies will be lightly golden around the edges. Cool on a rack and continue with the rest of the dough.
6. When the cookies are all fully cooled, you can get on with the icing. Put a couple of tablespoons of just-not-boiling water into a large bowl, add the sifted confectioners’ sugar, and mix together, adding more water as you need to form a thick paste. Color as desired; let the artistic spirit within you speak, remembering with gratitude that children have very bad taste.
7. Frost the cookies; let the frosting set a bit before coating with sprinkles or other decor.

Baby makes 6

I wrote a post early this year entitled 'Enlarge' on this blog. I had been contemplating how miraculous it is to have children, what a blessing it is, yet our culture most often views children as a burden, a limitation. Of course there are limits that come with children, and burdens, but I realised how tragic it is when we get stuck at that point of understanding. If we fail to see how incredible new life is and how blessed the one is who brings that life into and up in this world. I had a revelation of this and hence wrote that post, little did I know what God and his sneaky sense of humour were up to. Shortly after writing that post I discovered 'surprise'! we are expecting child number 4!! I had always claimed the ambition of having four children. However, after having two girls and a little boy, it seemed that we had such a delightful little family and I felt very satisfied and was coming to the point of reckoning we had reached our full 'quiver'. I was pretty close to calling it quits on the baby game, but as often is the case- 'man makes his plans, but God directs his steps' (Proverbs 16:9) and I LOVE that he does because his plans are monumentally better than my own.

And so, we welcomed Zipporah Pearl into the world on November 7th 2012. Wow. She is an incredible blessing.

I surprised myself with how quickly I went from 'pretty sure I am done having kids' to 'Weeeeeeee, i get to have another one!!' I really was almost instantly ecstatic with the idea. For some strange reason a lot of that was tied up with the fact that it was a bit of a surprise to get pregnant. For me there was something absolutely wonderful about having the planning taken out of my hands. It made me feel affirmed in my mothering (that God saw fit to give us another child) and was so freeing in a way to know that I really don't control these things. There is somethign so wonderful about giving your life over to God and allowing him to direct your course. Since becoming pregnant with Zipporah, its like the floodgates have opened in my heart. Ok, floodgates might be a little dramatic... BUT, I just feel so overwhelmed with the privilege and joy it is to have children and be a mother. I feel so RICH! I also feel determined to stand against the cultural tide of opinion that would speak of parenting as a burden, as a taking-away of our own dreams and personal desires. What we receive is so much greater than what we give. Being a custodian of dreams is far greater than just being a dreamer of dreams.

Another fulfilment of a dream occurred in our family this week as my sister and brother-in-law got 'THE call' from the adoption agency about their long-awaited for filipino son- his name is Sancho! We can't wait to meet him! God is so good. He puts dreams in our hearts and carries them to fulfilment.

I always dreamed, or desired to have four children. Even when I was ready to put aside my dream and be content with 3, God was at work making Zipporah. Now one dream is fulfilled, I guess its time to dream again! I am so glad that God's got dreams for me and will keep pushing me on to fulfil them even when I think what I have is 'enough'. It's amazing what will happen in our lives as we let God in to enlarge our vision and encompass our dreams.

Children are a blessing from the Lord.

Paranoid mum + Google = Panic stricken mum

It seems as though being paranoid is just par for the course when you become a mum. Yes there are varying degrees of it, but I think we all are guilty of over-reacting when it comes to the safety and health of our precious ones...

I know when Esther was first born I felt such a vulnerability. I couldn't handle listening to the news, the thought of evil in the world was too much to take with a tiny bundle to look after and I didn't want to be reminded of it more than necessary. I remember really struggling with fearful thoughts and imaginging awful scenarios happening to her. Trips to the wharf in Darwin were opportunities for me to resist my fear in a big way, the temptation to imagine falling off those railing-free edges dropping 5 or so metres into dark seas was almost too much to take (Darwin mums, you know what I am talking about!!). I really had to seek God's help in those months to find freedom from those haunting, tormenting and most often, irrational fears for her safety. I am grateful that I was indeed delivered from being consumed by such fears and they certainly have far less of a grip on me now then they once did...But, its a constant area to keep a watch on.

Google. Its your best friend and its your worst enemy mums. The internet can be so helpful to find connection, advice and support when you are at home with a little one, particularly when they are sick, or colicky and you need to know you aren't alone, you need advice and ideas to get through the night. REassurance that this is 'normal' or to know what to do next. However, there can be a dark side too. As those fears start creeping in that this fever might be more malicious than it first appeared and what could taht rash mean?.... We do what any self-respecting 21st century mum would do. WE get googling. I know there are lots of times that this can be helpful, but just as often it becomes a place where our worst nightmares are fed. The worst case scenarios come hunting us down like helpless prey. It's 11pm, we're tired, we're worried, we're irrational, suddenly it seems so convincing that our child's fever is not merely a 24 hour bug but the first signs of a terminal illness. Tears fill our eyes as we begin to imagine life without our child. How will we cope? What we will we do? OH WHY GOD WHY!!?? WE go in to give our child our child an overly-emotional kiss on the cheek to find the fever has dissipated with that last does of panadol...It's probably just nothing...Phew, that was a close one... You know what I am talking about mums! We've all been there!

I don't want to be trite because we all know that this is an imperfect world we live in, and for too many people this is a reality they are dealing with, and there is always a possibility that we could too, its not a totally irrational fear in that sense. But the point I am trying to make is that we too easily allow ourselves to be full of fear and jump to worst case scenarios, when we really don't have a good reason too and end up expending a lot of emotional energy that could be wisely invested elsewhere!

Recently I had Esther checked out by a specialist Peadeatrician. There had been a nagging issue with her that I wanted to ask someone in the know about, but had put it off until I had to go to the Dr. for another reason. So last round of anti-biotics I talked to the G.P and he gave me a referrall. Now, before going to this appointment with the Paed I had done some googling... The issue I had in mind came up with a whole assortment of possible causes and believe me, some were quite fear-inducing! Others were less scary but still had repercussions and I thought I may well have to dramatically alter Esther's diet... Anyway, the paedeatrician was great he did a throrough examination, asked a lot of questions, was brilliant with the kids and was able to answer my questions and bring some sanity- and expertise to the table. Yay. Although he acknowledged Esther had some abnormal symptoms there was no serious root cause that should concern us,it could be dealt with in a very simplistic way. I talked to him about some of my googling outcomes and he brushed most of them away as 'wives tales' and told me they had nothing to do with our situation. I can't tell you how refreshing it was to talk to someone who actually knew what they were on about! The problem with google is you never REALLY know if the information you have found is accurate and reliable and if it even applies to your situation! Until you have someone with credibility to look at your unique situation, its all just guess work, and with our paranoid minds on the task we can so easily end up 'guessing' that it is much more serious than we first thought. At the end of the day if we have an issue we are genuiniely concerned about its best to get advice from a reliable source rather than torment ourselves with all the possible 'what-ifs' that are out there.

Now, for $240 bucks a pop I don't think I will be heading down to see our lovely Paedeatrician just any ol time! But its great to know that when there is a serious concern there is a reliable sources of information out there, even if they do cost money!! (i did get $120 back from medi-care so its not TOO bad)

I know there is no easy way out for us as mums, we care so deeply and have so much invested in our children that thought of losing them or harm coming is so real and so over whelming at times, and for many of us there are very serious issues and conditions we have to deal with and face. However, I think it is important that we continue to fight off fear as it never really produces anything of value. I know this is basically impossible. The only way that I have found freedom from my fears is in trusting that I have a Father in heaven who ultimately loves my children more than me, that he has a plan and purpose for me and for them and even if the worst case scenarios DID occur I can trust that he will help me get through whatever situation I may face in life. It is in this knowledge that I can find peace in the face of temptation to fear and as the years have gone on I have found greater assurance of his love and more faith that he will never leave me or allow me to go through anything beyond which I can cope with. This is a blessed reassurance and If you share a faith in Jesus Christ I encourage you to remember his words in Matthew 6:34- Do not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. So ... Less  googling and more praying!

 If you do not know the comfort and assurance of the love of our heavenly father, I encourage you to consider his invitation. He invites us all to have fellowship with him, made available to us through the sacrifice of his son Jesus, who has conquered the grave- and with it our ultimate fears... 'death where is your victory? death where is your sting?' We need not fear death any more because he has overcome and taken away its fatal sting. I hope you can come to know the joy of this that I have and the incredible freedom from fear that comes with it, as we choose to embrace this reality more and more.

travel tips... :/

I emptied out my wallet today. It is a ridiculous and impractical wallet for a mother with three children and a growing number of loyalty cards. It was just so cute I couldn't resist, I have somewhat of a weakness for wallets... This one was a small hard cover wallet that has a clasp to open it, it has a  funky black, silver and rainbow leopard print that won me over- that and the $10 price tag. The main catch being you can fit about 2 cards comfortably in it...actually it was really more of an iphone cover than a wallet, but if you put the iphone in there, then there is  REALLY no room for anything else. Anyway, I digress! I shifted all the contents from the impractical wallet and was putting them in my brown leather, passport wallet, which I also love and purchased last year partly because it had different compartments, like a mini filing cabinet, which was perfect as we were utilising a cash only budget at the time. It also had the added benefit of being ready to go for our big family trip to Canada last year- a great way to keep all our passports and airplane tickets together and safe. Emptying out the passport wallet of all our now obsolete plane tickets and baggage receipts got me thinking back to our epic travels last year...
I had fully intended, on returning home to make my very first blog back in Australia choc full of great ideas, tips and strategies for travelling across the globe with three little ones, whilst staying sane! UGH. On our arrival back in the country, my sanity was hanging by a shred and the last thing I was going to do was to encourage anyone else to embark on the madness we had just returned from! Instead I sought to forget as quickly as possible the ordeal we had just survived. Blogging about it was not on my radar. Until now.

That passport wallet worked like a re-opened time capsule and the memories came back, now that there are a few months between us, and I am comfortably settled in a home that isn't going anywhere soon (and a family that isn't taking to the skies anytime soon) I feel ready to share some of the story with you.
Looking at the big picture of our 5 months living out of suitcases and in other people's homes and 11 flights in total, with our three children (5, 3 and 1 year old), really we did do pretty good all in all. Travelling over there we had our flight broken up by a three day stay in TianJian with Shane's sister and family and we were really welcomed so graciously by the many family and friends who took us in as we travelled around stunningly beautiful Alberta and British Columbia for a month. We also had the bonus of having Shane's parents join us for two weeks of that time which was a big help with the kids and great to have the company and support along the way. Once we were in Ontario we were pretty settled as we had a place to rent and could set up house for a few months.
The really hard part was travelling home. This time we didn't have the luxury of a few nights stay to break up our crossing of the globe. Unless of course you count the 8 hour stop over at Beijing between our two 11hour flights, I don't. The kids were such troopers, but you know, there is only so much anybody can take. The first 11 hour flight went by relatively well, the kids slept for over half the time and were kept somewhat occupied by the activities we had brought and the 'in-flight entertainment'. The inflight entertainment is in itself a major source of frustration. While I was grateful to have it at all, they were rather outdated. We, thankfully, were seated in the bulkhead row and so had the wall in front of us and therefore extra space, which really was awesome. However, this meant we had the videos of hte sort that are stored in the hand rest, these must be at least 10 years old and seem to have lost their ability to hold their position and kept flip flopping and falling over. Frustrating us and the children repeatedly. Also the manual controls to operate the video was difficult to figure out and difficult to use. half the time the buttons not responding, and there seemed to be about 15 selection steps before we got to the desired show, if you make a mistake, you start at the beginning again...ARGH! It took me literally 15 mins sometimes to select a show and get it going. Add to that it was a challenge to find something child suitable... Although we did have time to kill..
On the flight over we didn't have the personal videos and instead we had the communal video playing. which was fine when they showed suitable movies for children. However we had the difficult ordeal of trying to get our kids NOT to watch the violent and supernaturally scary 'Clash of the Titans' which was playing right in front of their faces. I have to say trying to get them to NOT watch something takes managaing children on a flight to a whole new level. That was a painful couple of hours.

11 hours, two meals and NO SNACKS! I don't think the China airline staff are particularly trained to assist families with children. I think they may have been overwhelmed and disapproving of the fact that we had so many. One thing was for sure, they weren't trying to do us any favours.

Hudson was entertaining himself by opening and shutting his window shade. fair enough I reckon, with the limited resources he has to play with and the fact he has woken up from a four hour sleep and it is broad daylight outside. Never mind the fact that it is day time at our place of departure and day time at our place of arrival....The window shades must remian down for another couple of hours!!! What?! Why?! So everyone else can continue to sleep while we go insane??!!! What do you want me to do with them?! Do you have any snacks?! Any toys?! anything!!!?????? HELP ME!!!! I was beginning to unravel at this point and I think I was ready to burst into tears when she told me this. That feeling of someone having utterly no empathy for your situation and offering no assistance, can leave you feeling very... alone.

At this point in the flight we had about 7 hours to go. The kids were done with sleeping. The girls were manageable in their whiny-ness but Hudson... Well, he was another story. He wasn't happy being held, he wasn't happy on the ground sitting. He was screamy/crying half the time, which only increased in intensity as time went on and there seemed little we could do to stop  him. The count down began. Shane and I started taking turns, walking him up and down the plane, taking him to the toilet, letting him stand on the change table in there, look in the mirror, put on moisturiser... 'Ok that was 14 mins Shane, your turn'. and so it went on like this...in tiny time increments, at no point did time fly by. WE. FELT. EVERY. MINUTE. In vain I tried a few times to hold him, to rock him to sleep for another nap that would give us some short relief. But this was exhausting and hopeless. We continued to count down. The pain of these hours I would equate with labour, seriously. A few times I would go beyond the curtain to the 1st class area, in which there was NO ONE seated, here I would try to rock Hudson, or at least try and give the other passengers a little respite from his crying. I got some disapproving looks from flight attendants, but I was beyond caring. I can't remember all the little things we attempted to keep him happy, few of them worked. IN between this we were helping the girls with their impossible video players and trying to rustle up food from the non compliant staff. Trying not to take out our frustratoin on each other. AT this I failed at most of the time.

One time earlier in flight, while the girls were both sleeping- Char was actually asleep on shane's lap. I was desperately trying to get Hudson back to sleep, Shane had his eyes closed, peaceful, resting. It infuriated me. I stood, glaring at him. He understood my glares and looked at me, imploring rationality. I know it made no sense. what could he do? He had a sleeping child on his lap! How could he help me? It just seemed so UNFAIR! Oh where goes that selfless love, for me it had vanished.

Eventually the hours and minutes passed by and we were preparing to land. Getting off that plane was like heaven. Oh the relief and the joy! BEing released from that metal prison, stepping out into the sunshine of a Melbourne sunny day...being greeted by dear friends... sigh...bliss...

And so what can I say? It's possible to travel overseas with three small children... but be prepared, I don't believe there is an easy way to do it. In the end its one of those times in life where you just have to bear it... I am glad we did it, and really for the most part the kids did really well, and it was a success overall, but it is a big challenge and one you want to have your eyes wide open for. Try to remember that your husband is not your enemy in this venture, but your team mate and try to be supportive and gracious of one another, and try to laugh at the things that make you want to cry.

As hard as that flight coming home was, I feel we accomplished something great in making this venture to Canada and back. The times we had as a family and the cherished friends we made were more than worth the (short term) pain we experienced in our travels. I am so grateful for the opportunity we had to do this, and grateful for all we learned as we were STRETCHED in this process! For those attempting something similar, my prayers are with you! :) I am glad we did not let the fact we had children stop us from going on this adventure, it did make it more of a challenge but it also made the experience that much richer.

Meanwhile I am utilising my passport wallet, minus the passports and that is fine by me...for now... ;)

Precious friends made...priceless!
Zoey and Esther at school in Canada.

It is for freedom.

I am just completing a fantastic parenting book called 'Loving our kids on purpose' by Danny Silk. It's really challenged and excited me in my approach to parenting, so I was keen to share a little of what I have gleaned from the reading of it. It offers quite a paradigm shift.

The main premise of the book is that our role as parents is not to CONTROL our children. We cannot control another human being, including our children! On one hand it seems obvious to say that but I think most parents operate out of a mind set that says 'I should be able to control my child' and there is a lot of guilt, frustration and anger that comes as a result of that belief. It is possible to lead, guide and instruct our children without resorting to the use of anger and the fear of punishment as the primary tools.

By the way there is someone who we must control, and that is ourselves! One quote that stuck out to me in this book was the statement 'as parents our goal should be remaining a loving respectful parent at all times, no matter what our child does'. Thats a challenging call! We have enough to worry about keeping ourselves under control, let alone trying to force others to do our will. Let's demonstrate the self-control we want to see in them, let's lead by example! (Ouch!!)

This is something I have really been convicted of in the past, but haven't heard it articulated so well. I have understood that as a parent I shouldn't let my children's poor choices, whether it be disobedience or disrespect, ruin my day or my mood. I should remain in control of my emotions and respond to them calmly with suitable consequences, which mean they bear the brunt of their bad choices, not I. They should be learning to do the right thing because they are understanding that THEY choose their actions and therefore their consequences. Its not a matter of them testing the waters, or seeing how much they can get away with on any given day depending how angry mummmy is, or isn't. They should learn to obey not out of fear of my anger or punishment, but out of an understanding of their freedom and the consequneces they create.

My constant battle is being quick and creative with coming up with logical consequences and choices to offer them in the moment. That is the hard part for me. If I can't find a good choice or logical consequence under pressure its very easy to revert to frustration and anger to get my way with them. I am really trying to work out the best way to put this theory into practice with a toddler, as he is not really at the understanding choices that are verbalised (however I think actions can speak louder than words and he is still capable of learning some of these lessons now).

However, a couple successes we have had in recent day with our older two is with the whole room cleaning saga. I am sure we aren't the only ones who battle to get the kids to take responsibility to keep their room tidy! I have had quite a few stressful, frustrated times at trying to motivate my girls to tidy up. With little results. After applying some of the concepts out of this book we have adjusted our appraoch.

After they failed to choose (after being asked to) tidy up one evening before bed, I alerted them to the fact that the next morning there would be no breakfast until the room was clean. It got a reaction straight away, which was good as I knew we had hit the mark!
"Aw! but I will be hungry!! YOU CAN'T do that!" Said Esther with determined defiance.
"Well its up to you, you can eat as soon as you clean the room." I said with great calm.
Oh the awesomeness of this consequence, it was so sweet to see it taking its desired affect. :)

The girls are really hungry in the morning and after some protesting and realising I was unmmoved and the choice was in THEIR hands now; They got to work, got the job done and I didn't get angry OR frustrated! It was sweet to pass over the responsibilty and be able to leave it in their hands and see them stand up to the task.Score!

Last night we did soemthing similar; they could have some dessert, only when their room was tidy. At first Esther sounded as though she would be willing to pass up dessert to continue having free time, but when she saw her sister scurry off to start cleaning, the thought of missing out on dessert while her sister was rewarded was obviously too much! She ran off shortly after. We also set a time limit, 20 minutes. They actually did an AMAZING job! at 13 minutes they had done a very satisfactory clean, but Shane suggested they take the extra few minutes to really finsih it off. they began cleaning UNDER the table in their room!! Unheard of! thats usually where they shove stuff in their tidy up! So impressed. They worked together happily and it was such a great feeling to see them getting the job done without constant hounding. It really was liberating for me, and I hope for them too. I can really see them beginning to take greater pride in their own space, and responsibility for it.

We are also throwing a star chart into the mix, so if they have their room tidy in the morning, of their own volition, WITHOUT being asked, they will get a star. Every 10 starts will be a reward and at the end of 100 stars we are planning to get their room painted. I think that is a logical reward, look after your room, you get a nicer room!

So it's exciting to have a little success and to be able to step back and see the ideas of responsibilty choices and consequences sink in. I don't want to take on board my childrens problems as my problems and allow them to frustrate and stress me out. I want them to learn to take respoinsibilty and the only way to do that is, not nagging, not lecturing- but by giving choices and consequences that make sense and also give them a sense of freedom. No one likes to be forced. I don't think we need to use force. Most of our kids are pretty bright cookies, they will begin to choose wisely pretty quickly given clear and appropriate consequences.

The dangers of parenting by force, anger and fear of punishment is that you only have children obeying outwardly, while inwardly their hearts may be getting bitter and resentful to your forceful control. Once they get older and discover the reality that you REALLY don't have any control over them, they are much more likely to use their newly discovered freedom to make poor choices; ones  that will hurt you and them.

We have to learn to let go and teach tehm while they are little how to handle their freedom. After all it is what God made  us for. He loves us so much, but he never controls us, never forces us. He offers us choices and clear consequences "I set before you life and death, choose life" (that one seems like a no-brainer but you'd be surprised!) He encourages us with love and compassion to choose wisely. We need to do likewise with our children. Don't be afraid of your children's bad choices. God isn't afraid of yours. He has a plan no matter what we choose and we need to have wisdom to offer the same for our kids. Not reacting out of fear and anger when we realise that we don't really have control, but still grasp for it. Know that you aren't in control already, and teach and guide with that understanding.

It is for freedom tha Christ has set us free,
So we mustn't be heavy handed and controlling with our children, we must teach them to live well in the freedom they have, to use their OWN SELF-CONTROL, as that is what we all must ultimately learn to do. Let's also lead by example by seeking to stay loving and respectful to them at all times. I for one know that I need supernatural help to achieve that one! So glad that I have it.

ps. I wish someone would give me a star chart for keeping my room clean.... ;)